Alright Jonny boy its Harry here. I know you are keeping a close eye on this so i wont drop you in it. Its been a long time since i've written anything on here but it doesn't mean i dont think about you everyday. The band is doing well and we're playing up in London quite a bit would have been great to have you there but when i think about it i guess you were. Shane's been along to the last couple and got completely hammered with Kel. Now i thinkabout this stuff i wish we got together more and you could have come over for chrimbo with the rest of the gosport massive, the duck was good. My one regret was that when you phoned me on the friday before you left us that i wasn't away working because i hadn't spoken to you for ages and it would have been cool just to go for one last pint. Anyways i'll see you soon matey take it easy love haz xxx.
Hey Jon'' Well what can I say that will ever do justice to how much fun you were to be around and how much of a genuinely decent person you were. Growing up and going through school with you and Joe were the best years of my think about life and I don�t think I will ever have more fun than those years we all shared together. Remember raiding Rich�s spirit cabinet in your garage and creating a �Mega Mix� as it came to be known, then going down to weelsby woods and getting drunk and throwing up? All this at the tender age of about 13 or 14, in a way I�m glad Deb and Rich got wise to this and caught us or I think id of been in rehab by the age of 16. What about the band you, Ben, Joe and myself set up called �reoccurrence�, you mum must have been sick of listening to �smoke on the water� coming from her garage by the end of it all. You were fearless dude and non more so then when driving that damn mini of yours � I remember hammering it round wintringham school field at about 70 mph doing doughnuts and pulling skids (all before you�d even passed yourtest), I don�t think I�d ever been more scared in my life but to you it was just a good laugh hahaha. These are just the tip of the iceberg but there never was a dull day hanging around with you. Even though we all grew up and moved separate ends of the country I never forgot any of these times and I know through speaking to some of your friends in Portsmouth you never did either.
The 3 of us (yourself, Joe and me) got up to some antics in our youth and I can only thank you for all the fun we had together. You will be missed by everyone that knew you and never forgotten.
Cheers mate
Wakey x
Strong
Hey i am really sorry for johns death, he was a wonderful person and i loved him to bits we had such good laughs with eachother i know i will always remain him in my heart, at such a young age to lose such a top man with a great personality even ask my dad (brian) he always had me laughing with his random phases and funny jokes he told me and my brother (joey) he knew me and i knew him from such a young age and i have grown fond of him, i will always love john and he will be missed now that he has gone into a different place :( well deborah and richard i am totally really sorry for johns loss and hope to see you soon lots of love carolyn (Brian & Marias daughter)
xxxxxx xxxx xxx xx x
Try
Hi all, I am really hoping everyone and anyone who knew Jon will feel that they can interact and add there bit to this site just as Carolyn has done. Jon knew so many people in so many different ways and if everyone feels they can add their bit then we should build up a rich and no doubt entertaining and lasting tribute to him. It may seem a bit complicated at first to add stuff but stick with it and once you have added something once you will see how easy it can be. If you are having any problems then please email richard.fitzgeorge@ntlworld.com and he will assist or add your pictures, music or whatever for you. Thanks to all for making his time here so much more fun Deb x
To my dear friend.
The most beautiful person there ever could be, Has been taken from us, was taken from me. Every place I go, I think I see you, But my eyes are not being true.
Will this pain go, or fade to a dull ache? For now it seems my heart will break. How can I accept i'll never see your face Or hear your laughter surround this place?
I must let you go, is what they say, Is it selfish that I won't? Not today, Not tomorrow, this year or the next Or ever, dare I expect.
You'll always have a place in my heart, My friend you are, although we're apart. We were there for each other in times of need, Each with wise words to heed.
Now don't get me wrong, I know you are free, It's just so very hard for me to see Any good in your not being here Where once I had you close, so near.
Sleep tight, I know you must rest, A Brother, A son, my friend- you were the best.
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I know we will all be together again, sleep well Ted
Love always
Doris x x x x x x x x
hi jon and family,
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its very upseting to know jonathan has died but please allways remember him in a good way not in the bad way and think that he will be watching down on us all the time he is with nanny now and he was such a lovely cousin . hi jonathan please look down on me and make sure i am alright ani will never ever forget you as a cousin and as a friend andi will see you soon and i will love to see you but for now love you allways and bye for now not forever. lots and lots of hugs and kisses Elizabeth rose littleproud xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo >>>>>>>
A word about Bealey As you can see from the photo page, me and Jon have always been partners in crime. As kids we broke windows,threw wet toilet tissue at shop windows, cut off half of bridgemarys water supply. These were just some of the many antics we caused. Initially, it would be Jons idea with me trying to be the sensible one. It was never long before he had talked me round to the idea, assuring me we wouldn't get caught.. ...wouldn't we!!! I particularly remember bombarding a small car with blackberrys untill it was well and truly covered. The policeman who owned the car wasn't as impressed with his new paint job and made us wash his car twice! When hanging around Gosport town one day, me and Jon were skint. We decided to look around the Gosport museam. In the museam was a dark room called Grandads time machine. It was a big screen were you can watch the history of Gosport. We thought it was pretty boring so Jon decided to urinate in the corner of the room! Similar to the time i came to stay in Grimsby. The adults went out and we stayed in the house. Jon urinated on the red hot wood burner, amused by the steam it let off. We ran about in a panick trying to mask the smell with deodrant before the adults returned. These were just some of the stupid things we did together. I am glad we did those things, some right upto just before he died. We did have a plan to scam the gosport ferry office to get free tickets. Sadly, we never got around to it. We did some pretty out of order things. It wasn't down to being nasty guys. We just loved the buzz of it, especially Jon. He never felt more alive than when we were getting away with something we shouldn't have been doing. I never told Jon this, but sometimes he infuriated me. But in contrast, we also had some of the best times together. I hate calling him my cousin, only because it sounds too distant. He was like a brother to me. I will always think of him as so. I was with him the day he died. He seemed fairly happy and we had had a good day. I left him, asking him if he would help me with my games project. He looked really pleased. I know he is feeling on top of the world now and for that i am pleased. I grieve for my own loss. He was the best friend i ever had. I will miss him dearly. Farewell my friend. See you soon Shane xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I sit on our stool , peer through the pane , if only i could , peer through my pain , people passing , laughing , joking , that used to be us , what happend? I'm aching ...... i shall add more soon , now rest my big brother ... miss you so much , love you more. your little bro sambo xxxxxxx
Out of all the people who have written here, I feel like I knew Jon the least.
We spent much more time together when we were small, than when we were grown. Jon was much younger than I, and the difference in the years meant I never knew him as he gained his personality and his perspective. At the point in which he moved from boy to man, when he became an individual, I wasn't there.
When I came back, meeting Jon all grown up, I was taken by such surprise. How wonderful & rare it is to be able to come home again, despite the different colored wallpaper, and the grand icons of childhood England transformed into the mundane. It was the people who mattered, who warmed my heart; whether the years caused them to shrink or grow, to step upwards or sideways, everyone was different yet we all were the same as we have always been.
When I saw Jonathan, I saw a reflection of myself I had never seen in anyone else before. What an odd experience that is! I was fortunate to have recently spent time with Jonathan down in Portsmouth, and we had an evening at his home, and at his local. Talking and laughing and drinking slightly to excess. Such time was very well spent, and I was able to see a side of him I would not have seen otherwise.
Of all the things I remember about Jonathan, his eternal exuberance and optimism stand out. Not for a moment did he doubt. For Jon, it was always a matter of when, not if, even the very last time we talked in March. Jonathan was a real miracle the whole way through. Luckily for me, despite being so far apart for much of our lives, we ended up as friends as well as family.
Daniel Pickford
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Remember: by Christina Rosetti
Remember me when I am gone away,
Gone far away into the silent land;
When you can no more hold me by the hand,
Nor I half turn to go yet turning stay.
Remember me when no more day by day
You tell me of our future that you plann'd:
Only remember me; you understand
It will be late to counsel then or pray.
Yet if you should forget me for a while
And afterwards remember, do not grieve:
For if the darkness and corruption leave
A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,
Better by far you should forget and smile
Than that you should remember and be sad.
To the rider on the storm AKA "Jonny boy Revel and his wheels of steel"!
I consider myself lucky to have shared so many good times with you Jonny. I'll never forget taking part in your "hospital tour of great britain!" the sights, the lovely nurses and an almost obligatory wheel chair race to Burger king at SGH. We were the source of many resignations from nursing along the way I'm sure. its funny how removing your electrode and flatlining used to get the nursing staff running around so much. We never ever tired of that game!! One of my fondest memories was your 21st. Cruising on the Solent enterprise! Joe decided to drop an empty plastic pint glass on our heads from the top deck! You retaliated with your usual flair and finesse. You threw one back at him the difference was yours was full! I shall always hold those memories and many many others deaR
YOU WILL BE SADLY MISSED MATE LOVE PEACE AND HAPPINESS BRETTYBOY XXXXXXXX
Jonathan was a great friend of mine. We met at school, and it was our passion for punk rock and general noisy guitar based music that bonded us so well. We were both very different in certain ways, but in that sense we both influenced each other to bring out a great balance. I remember playing guitars with him full blast in his room. I remember his family being extremely welcoming, lovely, and friendly people. I often went round and we'd have a sneaky drink. I remember his mum secretly knowing we were both drunk and recommending that we drink pints of water before we slept to aid our hangovers!
We both went to gigs together, dressed similar, and generally had a great friendship. Unfortunately as we went our different ways in life we didnt see much of each other over the past 5 years or so, but when I did see him, he always made me smile and laugh. I wish i'd have been able to see more of him, but im grateful for the times we had.
It is so tragic that he has been taken away at such a young age. He was an amazing person, a brilliant friend, and he will be sadly missed. I know he will rest soundly. The next time I listen to a punk rock tape we made it will set in even more how much he will be missed. I will keep on playing, listening, and writing music just like we always did. Jonathan really did have a massive effect on me. Thanks for being who you are Jonathan.
My thoughts go out to his family. Jonathan was one in a million. Rest soundly friend.
Gareth Walkner, Grimsby (25, school friend in the late years of Waltham Toll Bar
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One month ago already, how can that be?
You would be so chuffed if you knew how much laughter and how many smiles recounting your antics has bought. I have so very many cherished memories, gradually I will put them down but very hard to do right now. Mostly smiles Jon and mostly laughter and great sadness as I realised just how very hard the struggle must have been,
Til another day, Haze x x x x x x x x x x
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Thanks Bro,
Jon to me was my big brother, in every sense of the word.towering over me,he offered comfort and love and a helping hand whenever or more , wherever i was . One of my earliest memories of Jon , he had climbed a tree i cannot remember the whereabouts but i remember him monkey'n it up the branches and i was left at the bottom stareing up in awe . Jon doing what he always did on instinct , helped me up . leant down from one of the branches and lifted me up into the tree using one hand . Its funny i remember this so well , as he did too , always a powerful character mentally and phisically. Nothing ever did change through my life with jon . If ever i was in need , if i needed help or guidence , a friend or a brotherly chat Jon was always there for me . as he was that day , i think its not the memory that stuck so much, more what the act symbolised, that jon would look after and help me if ever in need as with all his family who undoubtly in his mind came second to none .
Just want to say thankyou mate . I will write more acounts of my memories soon . You never really understood how safe and loved i felt having a Big brother like you mate, you know how good you were to me , legend , you have set my life up. You are and were the mutts !!! ... spot on bruv i'll get the beers in when we meet again kidda .. much love ,sambo xxxxxxxxx
Cheers jon
I still can't believe you won't be ringing me up with a daft plan in your life long ambition to make everything fun! Going back to when we first met in the summer 1994 when we discovered that we were very alike and just wanted to get though school the easiest way we could and entertain ourselves by throwing books out of Mrs. Greenfield�s window on to her car when she had a go at us or wetting the toilet paper and getting it to stick to the wall at 100mph! I remember a time when we got moved to set 4 to teach us a lesson and we loved watching cartoons and didn�t want to go back! I use the term very loosely but as we grow up together and found drinking cider on the streets wasn�t for us we managed to get in to pubs at the age of 15 and found lager, which I blame for the blowing up of a car and running from a bad pool game debt run up in Baskervilles! You moved not long after we started working and we lost touch a bit, that�s why I�m so glad you looked me up when you came back at Christmas and worked with me, its was a reminder that you've always been my best mate and always put me first! I only wish we spent more time together, now you've gone my outlook on life has changed and there�s not many people can say they change peoples outlook but you had life sussed mate, enjoy yourself!
Cheers for making the best years of our life�s awesome
Daz Cutter
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Jonathan,
You were my first love and although we were together only a short time you have been with me eversince.Ill never forget our evenings after i finished working at the hospital, drinking in the market house tavern, although under age you still got me in without a question asked.And you got me into my first club, without a bother either.I remember a booze cruze you went on with work, when you came home you were rearing to go, so we went clubbing.You were so drunk you ended up pulling me on to the dance floor and dirty dancing with me there.You must have been out of your face that night, coz i never seen you dance like that before or since.My mums still got that chair you calved our names in, although the years have worn them away.The last time i saw you was 2002 at wee Nelly's birthday party.you opened a drink for me and cut yourself.Even when you were in pain you never lost your sense of humour.I think your words were "look nat, id bleed for you".You are such a character Jonathan and i was so shocked when steven foned me one sunday evening,i took me to bits for days.But now my darling you are free of all that has ever hurt you and those horrid tablets.I know you are with us all and probably laughing your haed off at us.It was so strange when i came down to see everyone, you not being there, i only wish you could have held on a little bit longer.
"LIKELY SENERIO"
lOVE ALWAYS NATALIEXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
hey well i dont really no what to say its taken me a while to be able to read every1`s comments without crying my heart out.its gonna take me a while to write all that i want to but i think now is the time to start.first of i want to say thank you to your brother sam for letting me and my mates come to the funeral and pay our respects, i wouldnt have been anywhere else that day.i remember when i was told i was in our local watching the first england game we all wondered where you were but thought knowing you you would make a grand entrance later on.it wasnt until half time that we were told what happened.i dont think i have hurt so much, the looks we got in the pub when we decided to get a bottle of champayne to celebrate your life. we sat and discussed you for hours, all of us new you in a different way and i still wish i had more time to get to no you. thats all i can write for now but i will be back to add more. you changed my life for the better and now i no to live each day as it was my last and i love you for that.
remembering you always charlie xxx
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I know you can see, the space that they have filled with love and your memories and the union they have become in their endeavour to keep you with them, and you are so much there Jon,
How I ache to see the pain within my sister�s eyes, yet how proud I am of the way they have honoured your life. Many of us have shared your life, many have so much to share of their time with you, in the end you are so much more with us all than you ever were.
Unfettered and free, so loved, it is the most you could wish for someone you care for. The 3am meetings in the front room, where suddenly you became a rock to me and when in my truly darkest hour you stood and held me and made sure that the young ones had some stability when their mum was falling,
I thank you for that and I am truly grateful we shared the times we did. Even when we drove each other insane, I would not have changed any of it, from the stand up fights to the ridiculous games we played,
Each day as I drive past the place where you loved to be you are sat there with me and you always will be,
Haze
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jon ,
i saw that bloke again the other day , the tallest bloke in the world that we laughed at the whole ferry journey to pompey , much to his dismay . i looked at him , and cracked up hahah . you said picture this " i bet he sleeps with his head on the pillow , and his feet on the floor over the end of the bed , with his slippers still on so his feet dont get cold , " hahah . surely the tallest man in the world. anyway i laughed at him again and he deffed out! .... and i rekon he must of remembered us / me . hahahah , what a goid !!!!'
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An indirect quote which i think is most applicable,
Jon enriched the lives of all he came into contact with like a brightly coloured bird he lightened up our grey world with passion and a wicked sense of humour that was second to none. And now that he's gone our cage seems that much more drab and empty, although there will always be a part of us that rejoices in the fact that he is free.
Much Love Haz x
Jonboy
i cant say how much ur missed i walk down town every day nearly n think iv seen u but its not its some1 els i never stop thinkin of u thinkin of all the funny things u used 2 say n do! i ad a nite last nite where no matter how tiered i was i couldnt sleep n the hole time i felt like u was there with me it was like u on one of those ones where u wanted to stay up but didnt want to do it on ur own n u no i would most time so u came to me! iv got so much i wanna say to u but not sure how to put it so i will be bk very soon 2 tell u! just 2 let u no Harry sed thanx 4his voucer to get his scooter he loves it his last one broke! all our love is 4 u jon love from Hayley nd Harry Allen (";)ur smile is always with me everyday xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx
August 6th 2005......... that was the day the photo that marks the front of this web site was taken. It was a special day. A wedding of a very close friend that took place where you and Joe had such fun as young children in Wickham. Where you went to play school, started infant school and learnt to ride your first bike, carefree days......... And that day last year when we were all together in that same place again was very special, you shone, we laughed, you wore your new suit, I was proud and thought about how much I loved you ........... how lucky we are.
Re: The great American adventure (see Photos).... On the 31st of July 1993 Jonathan age 12 and Joe age 11, flew as unaccompanied minors from Heathrow to Atlanta airport Georgia to stay with Aunty Linda, Uncle Bruce and cousin Nicola in Charleston, South Carolina. By all accounts it was a pretty incredible experience and Linda ensured the month they spent out there was action packed and exciting. One of Jon's most recent ambitions was to return to the U.S and stay in Seattle with his cousin Dan.
Our Kid ,
Its been nearly 2 months, dont time fly. I nearly phoned you the other day just wanted to talk.. but then i remembered your not there. I cant bring myself to delete your number from my phone. I would give it all just for a phone conversation with you, A pint in the pub or even an argument. All i want is to talk to you. Just want to say you pissed me off and sometimes i hated you and i told you this but i never told you i loved you and i do more than anything. Just want you to know that......and no im not turning gay. I feel lucky for knowing you and having you as a brother. I have so much to do in my life and ill be doing it all thinking of you so in away you will be there.....
I have so many regrets, people say i shouldn't but i do, i dont know how to feel better maybe in time i will.. I dont know how to finish this i could put ill see you soon but i know i wont..... I miss you....Big Bro Ill wright more soon... Joe (who will always look up to his older bro)
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Jon
I was preparing Rich for the big drive up North and said wont it be lovely to spend some time with Uncle Rich and Auntie Deb, Rich said ".......and Jon Mum he's always there, you cant replace Jon mum"
I know that statement from Richard would give you so much pleasure babe,
Think of you every day, x x x x x x x
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Jon, I have spent two evenings with your mum now in the passed two months, more than I have done in the passed two years. Each time I have promised to write something here, sharing some cracking memories of mischief and laughter � things that your mum would probably rather not know � when I was meant to be looking out for you at the time: like the time you showed me the ingredients for making a bomb and politely inquired if we could give it a go; or the time at Alton Towers when it rained so hard we went paddling in the lake. I will forever be grateful for the nights I spent with you and your brothers because it really prepared me for all aspects of teaching � seriously � particularly the first night I �looked after� you all and you lifted your shirt � showed me your scar and Joe asked me if I had first aid training � cause you could die at any moment � I shit my pants.
However, it is really hard to write this as I realise I know a you from about 8 years ago and I made life too busy to keep in touch with you and all your family. Though this brings with it anger at not having priorities it also means that I am reminded how grateful I am for you all being my family when I needed one � I really did look at you as though you were my baby bro�
Well, off to listen to some Green Day � I was about 11 years too immature at the time, mate. I hope you have some peace at the very least. Racheal
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Jon,
I apologise to you for not making more of an effort to stay in touch when our lives took different directions
I apologise to you for not knowing that you�d gone
I apologise to you for not being around to say goodbye
I apologise to you for not being there to pay my respects
I don�t apologise however, for nuturing your love of the Floyd. Which is sadly ironic really, as the world has lost two crazy diamonds this year.
Shine on Jon
my dear, its rubbish its taken me so long but i feel so insignificant to all those u have known, there is not one second where your memories dont pass in my mind, all people say is how u are a quality guy, its not often i show my true feelings jon but since u ave been gone i feel somthing is missing, my only salvation is from someone you have made a large impression on throughout their whole life, wish you were here mate i miss you just like a shooting star in the sky lol T.x
hi jonnyboy
i've spent a lot of time with Liz and Rich recently and it is lovely to be able to spend so much time recounting funny stories of our antics to them! Richard has become Beavis and Buttheads greatest fan (second only to us) But then WE WERE Beavis and Butthead!!!!!!!!i remember fondly your days on 2 wheels it became apparent very quickly that it was a bad idea! I remember we were getting ready for work one morning and you had to leave earlier than me i said cheerio and you were off. I heard the sound of your 'ped zipping off down the road(lets face it you never did anything slowly!!!!)10 minutes later you returned. You'd got as far as the traffic lights on the main road but you didn't have your crash helmet on!!!You thought you'd better come back and get it! You couldn't make it up!!!! Of course there was always the crashes!! Me and Haze would be sat on the sofa and i'd say to her Jons just left he'll phone to say he's fallen off his 'ped in a minute. On some rare occasions i was wrong!! i'll never forget helping you get your moped to Dimons (our local bike shop) for some much needed repairs after a spill. A couple of days later they called to say it was ready. i dropped you off to pick up your moped. unfortunately as you left the garage you crossed the road and clipped a bollard on the central reservation and down you went not 15yds from the bike shop. I'll never forget the mechanics faces as you wheeled it back to them and said same again please!!! A very precious memory that will never leave me. How often did we used to turn tragedy into comedy!!!!!
You are sorely missed and always will be brettyboy!
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hahahahah . nice 1 bruv . quality , that had me in stitches brett . keep em cummin folks ! sam x
hey jon,
only got to know you through your brother (joe) but we became mates quickly too, listening and pokin fun at the lyrics to crash test dummies or indulgin in a bit of under-age drinking lol, i remember you always had this grin on ya face no matter what. i remember comin back to yours for tea after school once and you cracked a joke that made me swallow a red hot chip, couldnt stop laughin after that. i remember the time we went into town, up in gullies, then went back to yours and got through about 2 bottles of whisky and decided it would be fun to take the moped out on the field hehehe, that was a well good night mate, shame we didnt have more of those. cheers for makin me the tuna and sweetcorn sandwiches, they well made me lose my stomach lol, just what i needed. you were always up for a laugh, no matter what the consequences and i feel very priviliged to have known you.
take it easy dude
Ryan Smith .
Last night Friday, 1st September 2006 I went to Cleethorpes to meet up with friends and ex working colleagues from Fabricom to have a drink with Richard and Deborah to 'celebrate' Richard's departure from the company recently. I say celebrate because I was made redundant last year and one year on it is most probably one of the best things that could have happened to me and I am sure Richard and Deborah will eventually feel that way too,as we have also now heard the good news that Richard has secured a new job and starts on Monday.
Unfortunately it has been a really bad year for all the family as they have also had to deal with the tragic loss of Deborah's second son Jonathan at the same time. This brings me to say how saddened I was to hear this devestating news that Jonathan had died suddenly at such a young age.
It was lovely to see them both out last night and today I feel I must write about the time (and I hope Joe and Sam will remember this)- I was giving Richard a lift home from Fabricom,I don't know how long ago this was,it must be a long time ago, I had just dropped him off at his home, I watched him cross the road and go into his house and proceeded to set off further down the road to go home myself, when someone passed me and bibbed his horn and pointed down to my tyre. I got out of the car and saw that I had a flat tyre. So, I knew that being a woman I wouldn't be able to change it on my own,so I knocked on Richard's door with my head down and said "sorry to trouble you Richard but I have a flat tyre, could you please help me change it". Then all of a sudden these three big burly guys, namely Joe, Jonathan and Sam all appeared at the door, "course we can" they all said and the five of us all crossed the road, and I began to watch as they helped a damsal in distress, me. I can never thank them enough for helping me that evening and I have to say it wasn't an easy job for them but they all just got on with it and we laughed and chatted all the time. Thanks boys and thank you Jonathan. I hope you remember that time Joe and Sam.
The whole family have always made me more than welcome whenever I have been to Richard and Deborahs and the boys could never do enough for you.
You will be sadly missed Jonathan by everyone who has been priveleged to be part of your short young life and for the loving and caring person that you were, and I am sure you will be sending all the strength and love that you have to your Mum, Richard, Joe and Sam in helping them to deal with the heartache that they are all experiencing at this very sad time.
Love to you all xxx
'-Sylvia Jennings, Rialto Avenue, Grimsby. -'
Jon
I know am probably the last person you want to comment on this page. I've only just found out-3 mnths on. Its nice to hear about your life and to know you've had a happy life (and mischeavous one-things never change!) I wish things could've turned out better and we could've stayed friends as we were close friends in school. I'm also sorry to your family for them getting a 16 yr old with the hump calling all the time. Believe it or not I have changed and am not the psycho hose beast I used to be :-) My thoughts go out to your family- Deb, Rich, Sam and Joe, all your friends and loved ones I can't even begin to understand how they all must be feeling, I haven't seen you for about 8 years and I feel a loss. You will never be forgotten. You were my first love. I wish there didn't have to be any bad memories of me as I only remember the happy times All my love the red head psycho Hose Beast (Beck) x x x x x x x
This dont get any easier, guess that somewhere there is a reason why this has happened, still find entering the flat very very hard but the people there are your people and that makes it easier as we are all in the same boat. Found your NVQ stuff the other day and still have your account on the pc and still have bits around the place which seem so important and really there not, its just stuff as your mum says. Anyway one day I will tell the story of the mad lanky git who staggered around the Fruit Basket mumbling about 'Minneolas'
Think of you every day x x x x x x x x x x
My Darling, beautiful boy, how dull this world feels without your exuberance, how I miss hearing your whistle, the way you did when all was right with your world...... I could do with your strength right now. I can not believe I cant buy you a birthday card........I cant thank you enough for the memories though.........it warms my heart more than a little to think of you last year and how thrilled you were with your 'Decks'........ how I wish I could hear your laugh again. I am doing what I truly believe you would want me to do on Sunday, I pray I am right. Here we all are, all those who love you so well, sending these messages off into the ether and just longing for you to register or feel some of our love. Letting go is the hardest thing................... somehow that is why it feels right...........until the end of time...........X
HAPPY BIRTHDAY JON X X X X X X X
for some reason i felt like i needed to write something today and it wasnt til i looked at the recent messages and realised its jons birthday,no doubt he would have been down the local at opening blaging drinks of all his mates because it was his birthday and i would have been first in the queue to buy him one. for the short time i new jon i always could count on him for good advice even if i new he was only saying what he thought i wanted to hear. missing you loads charlie x x x
The Final Gift
September 17th was Jonathan's birthday. He would have been 26. His birthdays had always been very special, deep in that unspoken place he and I both knew he may not have many. We didn't talk about that though because life was/is for living and our deepest held inner fear/knowledge made that living far more important than any thoughts or discussions about death. Consequently along with those family closest at the time, I had to pretty much guess how to do him justice after he had gone. I felt the funeral was appropriate for him and all those of you who were able to come and pay your respects and tributes helped to make it special and right. I was aware that others may have wished to be present but due to time, distance and circumstance may have been unable. I hope your memories of Jonathan when he was alive transend any regrets you may have about not being present. There was always one thing that never sat easy or felt right though and that was what to do with Jonathan's ashes? I definately could not see him scattered in some gentle, quiet, natural beauty spot or garden of rememberance, well could you? Anyway the other problem was my loathing to let go. So thinking of the family spread across the other side of the world I thought next year on the 10th of June we should scatter his ashes giving all a chance to be part of that. However, and I will cut to the chase sooner or later, I had those ashes at home with me in a green tub , in the green velvet bag which the funeral director so respectfully placed them in but it just wasn't 'right'. I put them in the room he had spent the last three months in and duly went in and chatted to him each day. Alas it being our spare bedroom when people came to stay, as they frequently did, I felt compeled to take Jon's ashes out of the room. So I sat them next to the PC... and anyone who knew Jon could be forgiven for believing this to be, without doubt the most suitable place. But I missed him more each day and then started to think his earthly remains should be kept in the hub of the home, where all the activity happens, the kitchen. But, 'Jonathan' and 'green velvet bag' somehow don't sit well together. So we hunted for a suitable alternative and after many, and I have to confess frequently highly amusing ideas, we found a look-a-like old wooden treasure chest. Now Jonny boy being a film buff would have appreciated the irony of being in a 'Dead Man's Chest'. So there he sat, alas despite all these attempts to make it 'right' it still did not feel as if it was. The closer it got to Jon's birthday the more I wished I could give him a card or a gift, to be brutally honest it hurt a lot! Anyway three nights before his birthday something happened, it was very personal and felt very profound but ultimately I believe Jonathan showed me what I could give him and it also explained why it had been so difficult to 'place' his ashes. He needed to be free. The ultimate hardest gift to give could be given on the aniversary of his birth. Once I had acknowledged that every thing else fell into place. His father and brothers were in complete agreement and felt it to be totally 'right'. So thanks to the support of Gosport and Fareham in shore rescue (Gaffirs) located on the beach at Stokes Bay (Gillkicker end), who were happy to help at such short notice, Jons' ashes were scattered at one of his favourite places. It was a beautiful, clear, warm sunny morning. The sea was calm and glistenning under the September sun. Myself and Graham, Jonathan's father, went out in the boat and scattered the ashes giving Jon what he really deserved. One of his brothers watching from the shore commented on the lone seagull that followed and circled over the boat. Sitting on the beach afterwards I had an overwhelming sense of peace. Watching the beautiful yet potentially trecherous sea and the gulls swooping and riding the air currents I knew he was in the right place. GAFIRS have put a small brass plaque in memory of Jonathan on the notice board in the boat house. Anyone can ask to see it. If you find yourself in Gosport you can go down to Alverstoke and if you go straight on down to the bay and look out to the left of GAFIRS boat house, towards Gillkicker end, you may see a cheeky Gull soaring, swooping and gliding over the sea.................. and it might just make you think of Jonathan.
Sullivan sighed, but he did not argue." I think i'll miss you, Jonathan" is all he said. "Sully, for shame!" Jonathan said in reproach, "and don't be foolish! What are we trying to practise every day? If our friendship depends on things like space and time, we've destroyed our own brotherhood! But overcome space, and all we have left is Here. Overcome time, and all we have left is Now.And in the middle of Here and Now, don't you think that we might see each other once or twice?" Sullivan seagull laughed in spite of himself. "you crazy bird," he said kindly. "if anyone can show someone on the ground how to see a thousand miles, it will be Jonathan Livingston Seagull." He looked at the sand. "Good-bye, jon, my friend." "good-bye, Sully. We'll meet again." And with that, Jonathan held in thought an image of the great gull-flocks on the shore of another time, and he knew with practiced ease that he was not bone and feather but a perfect idea of freedom and flight, limited by nothing at all.
taken from the book 'Jonathan Livingston Seagull' a story by Richard Bach.
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Missing you every day. As I drive around town, I always see someone that looks like you, then I realise it's not you. There's this bloke in a Fiesta driving around with his stereo on absurdly loud and I have to stop myself from thinking "There's Jon". I always think of you when I go past The Market House, The Five Alls, The Middlecroft or Nelsons. I remember with great fondness the numerous (binge)sessions we had together in each. Us downing those bloody shooters, all colours of the rainbow. Those 'aftershocks; were a killer when there was work in the morning. No doubt about it, you led me astray! My fondest memory is the night we spent pissing about, smoking and drinking down by the sailing club. I laughed so much that I don't mind admitting I peed a little! There are so many thing I want to write, a life-time of memories from just 4 years of friendship, but I can't write anymore. It's too raw, hurts too much. __________________________________________________________________________________________
Hi mate, called round to your folks today, good to talk to them as ever, your mum gives me the impression that she's pleased you enjoyed your life to the max and i can't fault her! i never knew how ill you was because you never said, but since learning this i can't belive what a great person you was! it sounds weird but you looked after me alot through school and after, you taught me a great lesson about life and thats enjoy every minute! i'm gonna follow your example but try not to get arrested on the way! we'll meet again dude cos i'm gonna end up warever you do! really wanna talk again! Daz
Never thought I would want to hear about 'the old lady up a stick' again,
miss you, wish you were around, wish you were here, x x x x x x x
4 months on and we are still thinking & missing Jonathan. We are the nursing sisters who helped care for him, I wish we could have helped him more. It was a priviledge for us both to know such a fantastic person. His photo shares our office and his smile greets us every day reminding us of the importance of our job. It was always a pleasure to see Jonathan and we admired his great strength, good looks and welcoming smile. It is great to see from this website how many friends he enjoyed his life with and I know how much his family loved him. We will never forget Jonathan, his memory will remain with us for always - Jonathan taught us an awful lot. A very good bloke, still with us. Mel & Lynda xx
ozzy put on a song in the g'n'd over the weekend. reminded me of you, was good mate. crash test dummies song. called "mmm mmm mmm mmm" - on the ' god shuffled his feet album ' ..... you used to love that song bud. you and oz had alot in common and so did we , so it makes sense how we were/are best mates.me dan an oz went for a curry down stoke road. was spankin , but nuthin like our curry seshions watchin 'frank the tank' ahaha. think of you everyday mate. specially when i try sleep in bed . sometimes its difficult , sometimes its ok i suppose. theres something i need to do for you. not sure what though. ahaha . you know me mate . bit of a wrongun , christmas soon , remember last one. we went for a sly smoke round the back alley . would love to do that with ya this year. or go down the sheaf for a quick pint while mums doin the mighty crimbo dinner we used to munch into, we loved crimbo dint we, what a vibe. i still will but wont be the same. will make sure all the family have a crackin time tho . harrys been buying vynil and mixin on your decks . gettin pretty good , ive no doubt you tune in regularly to his sets though. miss you like mad mate. one less prezzie to buy tho i suppose.hahaha (joke to those that dont know me reading this) ahahha. ud laugh, you know the score. last year i give you a tenner and you give me it back i think , somethin like that . hahah. bought me ' old school ' for me 21st this year dint ya. me an hazza watched it the other day. how funny is that film. never wears now . rite am rammbling , feel like am talking to ya. miss you mate .gotta sore throat now. with me forever. shane always says i keep doing ' jon things ' that i keep pulling faces and looking like you.and doing your actions, and they are yours, thats where they have come from. the biggun ahaa its a good feeling when he says it . we were top boys mate . i wont forget it . never . much love , big up jon boy . be with ya one day . in the battle cruiser no doubt . love n light x sambo x
anyone that was at the funeral will no how hard it is the next time you hear born slippy be it in a club or on the radio, for me that time was while i was on holiday last week. i was in a club and the song came on and instantly there was a change in my mood. i just didnt no what to do and for a moment i wanted to leave and go back to the hotel. then i thought is that what jon would have wanted? and from experience i no that he would have wanted me to stay and with that in mind i had the best night of the holiday.when i got back i think i realised that as much as you try to get on with your life there will always be little things around to remind you of jon and i no that i wouldnt have it any other way. this christmas and new year is going to be especially difficult for me as it was round this time last year me and jon were closest. when he went away to grimsby and stayed longer than many of us expected i always new he would be back and thats what kept me going. i new he was always at the end of the phone to help with some difficult stuff i was going though and this is what i greatly miss.this christmas im hoping to go to stokes bay where jons ashes are scattered and reflect on life and what influence and inspiration jon has given me. missing you may than you no charlie xxx
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been thinkin alot about the main man lately.
so many memories to paint a picture. laughter, partying,music, chilling out , the look on his face when he was in his new car, or rather the look on my face in the passenger seat as we went for a 'Sega Rally' down the local field handbraking round trees . or the neighbours face when he was wheel spinning on the front of his house , Such good times.in my younger years we argued alot, but what sort of big brother doesnt argue with thier little bro. ok , so he pushed it sometimes , i arrived home from school . Lisle marsden junior in Grimsby one day. Jon and a friend were running around the house , laughing and joking as usual. it was time for bed and i heard giggles .ignoring them i climbed into bed . not before long my neck was itching,then my legs,ect .... ITCHING POWDER !!!!! i think mum made him wash the bedding , which i dont think he minded as the deed had been done . as you can see what Shane our cousin wrote , Jon was always planning something.deviating,Mr.Mischeif , he loved the buzz.i used to love my hot baths , unfortunately jon new this, thus one day darting into the bathroom switching the freezing cold shower on me. Not before long had i grown up a little , foreseen his antics and grew wiser. I used to run to the bath-room and lock myself in there armed with nothing else but the toilet brush. which for some reason never failed.Without a doubt the good times outweighd the bad, which were never really bad in the first place, just seemed it at the time, when i was laid in bed scratching like a ..... scratchy thing.
I could write a book titled ' The dinner table' i think . We used to always eat at the table as mum always cooked the best food. i never really did respect sitting at the table , but i believe it brought the family close in both ways.jon had the biggest appitite imaginable. 8 wheetabix, pint of milk , casserole dish , serving spoon . this was before dinner was served . no joke !. we used to laugh and joke at the table jon cracking jokes about , slices of gravy ect . We used to get called for tea by rich or mum , id get down stairs and jon would already be sat there knife and fork in hand . he loved mums food . currys,indian egg and chips , roast dinners, and not forgeting his favourite follow up after his 8 x wheetabix and sunday dinner . Apple crumble , made by mum .... enough to bring a smile to anyones face.on Friday nights i remember, it was riches turn. . . cheese toasties , jon particularly went for the baked bean ones , which made him quite unpopular , as we used to then all sit together in the study and watch the avengers, or the man from uncle , me , joe , jon , mum , rich. great times.
The holidays that we used to all go on. I remember being collected from school, i was told i had a dentist appointment, as was Jon and joe . Arriving at home we all piled out the car into the front room where we were all welcomed with a brand new 'matching !' track-suit each , and the news that we will be at the airport soon, we thought we were going to have our teeth removed , instead we were going on a jumbo jet to crete!we went on so many holidays, turkey, france, germany , paris , majorca where my friend came aswell , you can see him on the pictures page. i dont remember much of that holiday so i'm guessing it must of been good , all inclusive alcohol we had to take advantage of their stupidity, like jon said 'it'd be rude not too! ' not all the holidays were we blessed with sunshine unfortunately. mum and rich decided to take us all camping. arriving in the pitch black pouring with rain , we sat in the car,dry,whilst watching mum and rich try to locate the tent poles in the floods.
we had such a good up-bringing ,couldn't of been loved more , unless we had christmas every day ... they were the best. Pots of sweets , hundreds of pressies , decorations, music , the smell of the christams tree, the fire burning, and never forgetting mum cooking the christmas dinner, jon left out the wheetabix this time , the kitchen table used to be crammed! .leaving mince pies and sherry for santa the night before , rich eating the mince pies !! we used to have family stay , harry , shane , daniel , nicola , our cousins ..... as with all of us ,jon loved Christmas like nothing else. family time . my younger memories i will always remember of jon are special,he looked after the family in need when our mum and dad split. he became the man of the house. making sure me and joe and mum were fine. JOn always put his friends and family before his own needs,their happiness meant more to him than anything.
Time flies , it wasnt long before jon was 18 , he was into patying going out and mischief , like every other 18 year old. Jon was born in portmouth and we always travelled to and fro , to visit family and friends. JOns Heart condition worsend and as unable to get much work in grimsby as his best friend Brians car garage closed. he returned to the south . were his sensative , caring side , prevailed and he got into care work , looking after people with mental problems. not unlike a psychiatric nurse, as jon with his wicked sense of humour said, "the best place to hide if your a tree is the woods" so he felt at home.he met so many people , and created a life for himself , speeding to work in his car , or on his motor bike , he was living.
i remember one of the first times i came down to visit him . i must of been about 16 and him 21 . he had his car and i insisted he wouldnt take me on any 'sega rallys' so i shut my eyes and put my belt on . he took me to a place he said he like to go to in his car and 'chill out ' and 'get away from it all' it was some view . looking over a cliff , at the whole city,.Portsdown Hill (i think!) part of the bribe to get me in the car was the fact there was a burger bar up there , so he bought me a monster burger and we sat there in his car looking out , had a smoke ana laff, and chilled ' winston' . the next day we went to the beach , leon solent , peaceful, tranquil, i could see why he felt so happy. we sat on the beach and chatted, threw a few stones and had a laugh , i realised why he moved , not only the family and friends , he loved the place. the south was his home , where he was born and spent so many fun years.
around a year ago i moved down . Grimsby wasnt showing my life any justice , and i remembered how nice it was down south , i had the oppertunity to move in with jon into a flat , which i'm sat in now. Jon loved the flat , and being the big brother he always was, offered me a place, a great place, what a view aswell. i didnt thank him enough for setting my life up for me here. the friends i know , the job i had at the time, the home, the close relationship i have with my cousins all down to him.All jon ever wanted was for me to be happy. moving in with him the last year , was the best thing in my life i ever did. weve had such good times, and he was sound to me. it made him happy to know i was happy.he used to download films on his beloved computer ,(he was a computer whizz-kid for those that didnt know) and would save them to watch with me , offering the couch for me to lye on instead of him(sometimes!).we loved to stay in at times and have a few beers , watch a film he downloaded , and order a takeaway , i remember once i told him id never really had a proper chinese takeaway , so on jons pay day the menu came out . jon always shared everything , so he ordered the most food imaginable. he grabbed a great big cardboard box that he got his dj equipment in (record decks that he loved) that mum bought and layed the table or more the box with cuttlery and plates ect !! . running to the door when it arrived he served it up. and we tucked in. continually asking what i thought , and if i liked it , danm rite i did.but the point is, jon always wanted me to be happy , and i was which i thank him for dearly. when we'd argue after too many beers ,and id go to bed , hed knock on my door, and sit on the end of my bed,and make sure i wasnt to bothered about the arguement, which was never to big anyway. so we'd have a laugh and both feel better . in the morning id wake to a bacon sarnie and a cup of tea at times or vice versa, now thats brotherly love!!...id fall out with him on purpose just for the bacon sarnie ! , no but honestly, i wanted him to be happy aswell, and barring his illness 99% of the time he tried to ignore, he was happy. we had a great year, partying like no other . oredering take aways ,going to the beach , listening to drum 'n' bass , with jon playing on his record decks that he adored.
another thing that brought our relationship so close was that of our love of music, the same with our cousin shane. me and jon at one point had dreams of opening a record shop, jon buzzed off the idea how so many people would know him, and how many people and dj's we would get to meet . then i think we sobered up abit , and decided it may of been abit to much effort. we also talked of opening our own bar abroard one day , when we had alot of money.jon was going to start buying and selling things , plasma t.v.s , playstations ect , like i said earlier. he was always planning. abit of a del boy you could say. recently before he passed away he aplied for a credit card , he was going to get 10 x plasma screens delivered to the flat , after dealing with a man in japan , insisting that he owend his own shop called ' electronics international' or something along those lines. gwarn jon boy! always did ave the gift of the gab , or just good at bull-shittin you could say!he had plans for the future , but they were out weighed by the present, jon just always wanted to be happy there and then, he got bored in the day at times but had his computer and record decks, but when i got home from work we'd have a laugh in some way or form, if it wasnt in the pub , which in all honesty , it usually was! it'd be at home.
jon suffered from my diagnosis of t.v. tourettes. he couldnt sit and watch a program quietly , oh no! ... he'd comment on every single action, or thing said by the characters on t.v. , " look at him " "nice shirt mate" should of gone to spec savers" "is heeee" can heeeee " but it was a laugh , damn irratating at times but a laugh. sometimes we just used to stair out the window after a few too many whatevers , watching the ships pass and people fish on the pier . or take a walk down there. watching lads catching heaps of seaweed , we joked about seeing a photo of a lad with a big smile on his face posing for a picture in the angling times cradeling a 6 pound lump of seaweed in his arms with a smug grin (we'd imitate the grin yes).unfortunately we never did get to go back to the 'chill out spot ' and have a burger , as he didnt have his car. he promised we would go back though , which i'm sure we will.
when i first moved down last summer , we used to go sit down the beach , get some beers and walk down their, sit for hours doing what we used to . having a chat , having a laugh , sometimes sat saying nothing , in peace , drinking our beers, content with each others company.as with all 20 and 25 year old lads we used to spend alot of the time socialising in bars , having one to many drinks and having a laugh , sometimes in the company of his best mates lee and shane (cousin) .this year, me jon and shane were having a few beers and jon spotted a bicycle helmet perched on-top of a phone box down Gosport high street, putting the chin strap on , we entered the waterfront bar, and with a completely straight face jon ordered three pints of fosters with a big bright yellow bike helmet strapped to his head, what a character , what a wicked sense of humour.
if shane came round to the flat and we wasnt there in the evening , first port of call the g 'n' d , then wetherspoons , where we'd sit in the window laughing and joking about items of clothing and hair cuts that todays generation seem fit to leave the house with . if we wasnt there then Shane would panic ! ' not in the pub ? ' something terribles happened ! . the evenings were alot of the times spent listing to music , watching films , going round shanes and his fiancee Gemmas or vice versa , or many time have me, jon , shane and gemma been out in Emmas. jon never really danced to much ,but if the dj would play Underworld - Born slippy for him he'd be straight on that dance floor, he had his own comical dance, he bit his bottom lip , bounced around and waved his arm , he loved that tune. thats why we chose it for his funeral. ironically , jon spent his last night up in Emmas where i'm sure he would of danced to it as usual. so partying , socialising meeting people meant so much to jon. he never hasitated to buy a drink for anyone, he loved going out as did i. as my mother who knew him best of all wrote in the 'order of service' "You could relate to anyone from royalty to the down and out on a park bench or at the end of the bar, you would always take the time to talk to them and give them a laugh. You empathised with the troubled and the lonely and those who struggled with life" which i couldnt of written in better words. he loved to socialise and the beach wasnt ever an option at night , that was more of a summer activity.
we usually decided to eat out alot , throw our tops in the tumble dryer we worked out , was easier than using an iron and go get grub somewhere . there was a reason we ate out so much. Shane was lucky enough to break his ankle a while back, hopping down Gosport highstreet on his crutches we all went to morrisons. on arrival we saw wheelchairs. so jon decided shane should take advantage and got him seated. what a picture ! jon pushing shane in his chair and shane pushing the trolley, three in a row. taking the trolley off shane then we did look a picture , jon pushing shane around , with him pointing at frozen peas , and tinned raviolli ect , exclaiming ' i want that one! ' in true little britain style .
the link between us eating out all the time and this story , is another exclamation shane made " you two are the shitest shoppers there are! " the thing is a shopping list meant organisation and jon couldnt organise a booze up in a bar . wed buy nomal mince meat two meals worth not frozen which shane pointed out to last longer and be cheaper, , a tin of tomatoes , 2 onions ect ect , wed get home i'd make spag bol for tea , hes make shepheards pie later , then the cupboards would be bare . hents eating out alot . however i once remember jon havin three or four pound and we were starving so instread of buying beer for a change we decided to go to morrisons . jon asked a young lad if he could work out how many tins of baked beans he could buy with three pound , the lad got his phone out and calculated for him , much to our amusement .
the time we did have food was when mum came to stock the cupboards, and believe they got stocked ! we loved it when mum and rich came. we got a propper meal cooked, a mum special. good times. its a shame we never did go back to Portsdown hill and have a MonsterBurger in a his new car that he dreamed of, but that didnt stop us walking with the shopping on the way home ,going into dixon and had a look at the car radio's. we pushed the trolley in and stood browsing.and a guy said can i help , and jon said no mate just had my eye on these then a minute later jon turned to me and said " were looking at car sterios right?! , and its obvious we haven't got a car , coz were stood in here with a trolley full of shopping, and surely it should be in the boot of the car if we had one ! hahaah . we legged it . slightly embarrasng.
i could go on and on . i will ad more and more , so many stories and memories , alot i cant begin as our other brother is a policeman so i'll end it around now i think! and add more soon. jons last night was a blinder we had a few pints by about 6 , met his mate rob and had a chat for a long time, went to many pubs and bars , we didnt really talk that much, as we didnt really need to , we were content with each others company , the odd joke was hurled at someones face , or head , or hair ect ... but thats about it . pretty much standard really! 'at one point we were sat in wetherspoons in silence he leaned over fkin hell mate your abit talkative arnt you , was gunna tell you to shut up always was a comody value apparent in jons presense thats for sure. anyway , i could go on for ever but i need to sleep,
think of you everyday jon mate, crimbo soon , will make sure i ave a beer or 6 for ya bro . i wear your gold ring that mum bought you for your 21st with pride , it means alot. so much , i dont know why, well i do , but i dont . but i will never take it off. its yours. suited you better though ya bugger. same as most of the tops we shared ect , thats why i bought the same coat .and know one could look 'the boy' as much as you did in ya suit . anyway bro, ill add more soon , its not enough though, still will do something more for you dont know what yet, ' am on the case' i would say rest in peace , but most of the time , thats far from what you wanted. so hope your tunin into some d'n'b or wotevers goin on. meet soon in some way, i'm positive. love you so , miss you jon mate . me big bro, a true star, in many ways. writing all this has upset me , but made me happy to remember , so many many good times we shared , i'm sorry if this is hard to read for anyone , i didnt worry about punctuation , or my grammer to much , just got typing and remembering.
the brightest candle burns the quickest
Sambo :-) x ..................................................................................................................
Havent looked at the site for a while, dont realy know why. I think about you everyday. I was just looking through my phone the other day and found txt messages from the day you died, from various people mainly Haze. What do i do with them? I could get rid of them but..... But what is the point of keeping them....... cant make my mind up. Also found your number on my phone.... what can i do with that. What would you tell me to do with it. Im not sure?
It's been a strange old year so far..... Xmas will never be the same again..... Who is going to anoy me now... ill write more soon Joe :p x
You meant so much to so many............ these tributes echo it all, people remember the way you ensured life was lived to the max....... the fun, the outrageous antics... your crazy and frequently bad ideas, they miss your laugh ... your generosity, your support, your warm nature, your strength, how brave you were, how handsome you were. I miss your unconditional love. No one could ever love me the way you did. You were the best thing that ever happened in my life. That of course is a double edged sword because now there is an unbearable space. I try to fill it with the mundane process of every day life. I know I am fortunate to have shared something so special with you, I know I am a very blessed person in so many ways......... but the longing and the missing is beyond description ...... and wishing that you could have really known just what you meant to us all is possibly the worst.
this time last year i ad my first chocolate out of a maltesers calandar you bought me , adament that i would have a good christmas, a few hours later we watched sumthin on telly and ate all the chocolates . hahah . cheers mate . i ant got one this year , dont really want one . ures was sound enough , save the best till last they say . cheers my man . sam x :)
missin you mate. just bin readin through these posts agen , takes along time yet too quick. wish u was ere 4 beer .
Six months today. How the hell can that be? Why is life carrying on? its so much duller these days thats for sure. I want so badly to call you up and give you a hard time and tell you to stop sodding around and get your arse back here...........if only x
Been living in Seaward tower for a good few months now and to be honest im surprised how good it feels to be here. Every time i sit on this massive sofa, watch telly, drink beer, smoke weed or rinse it up on the decks it never feels to me as if the gangly northern rude boi i call cousin has ever left. I know it sounds crazy but it always seems like theres someone else in the flat even though there isnt and the great thing is that it doesnt scare me, its actually quite comforting. So thats why, this christmas i know that although my friend and cousin is not here in body he will always be here in spirit and that makes me feel alot less saddened by the fact that i was working when he last invited me out for a pint. Haz XXX
However dark, whatever is thrown at me, whenever I feel at my lowest I know your there with Mum and as painful as finally parting may be it makes me realise how lucky I am and nothing else really matters does it ?
Truly Beloved and cherished soul who will be right in the heart of his family for all time I send you Christmas Spirit as I know you loved this time of year,
Haze x x x x
Jonnybaby
Hey baby sos its been a while but i ave never stoped thinkin about u ur always with me where i go in my ed n im sure u no this already! i still miss u so much everyday it hurts there is so much around tat reminds me of u it makes me smile thou!well harry is growin up so fast to blady to fast he is in to everythin n more but he is so funny with it as well!well im gonna go now baby n will get on ere as soon as i can again miss u loads! and just wanna say merry christmas babe love u forever
love Hayley n little harry(allen) xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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hey sponhead its gemma. im sorry i havent written to you yet only just been able to bring myself to look at your site & pics of u & its started me off again :( i really really really miss u mate u were like the bro i never had and now youve gone away.
ive never cried as much as did on the day we lost you. you were and stil are a big part of our lives you know i never was really angry when i told you off for being a bugger! wish i could tell you off again!! i need to tell you off for "engraving" my lift!!! you little sod! shane said u were too scared to tell me it was you!! i knew!!! :p oh and after you went away, for scaring the crap out of me round lee & lous by throwing my crisppacket back at me when it was on the table!! found it strangely comforting tho-i knew it was you-its very like you to do somthing like that-shane woulda found it hilarious!! u havent been back to see me since tho-hopefully cos youre at rest. gonna try really ahrd to put a piccie of you up-yes one with a silly face!! remember-theyre the only ones weve got of you!! i always used to tell u & haz off for pulling sillyfaces when i told u to smile for the camera.
theres hardly a day in the last 6 months when i havent thought of you. you were very special to me we had alot of good times! i especially thought of u in october-remember thats when its time to put ur tree up!!! :D with your little crackers & soldiers! haz & kel have seen to that! gonna be really crap without you this xmas. still not really gotten over it. ive never lost anyone before & its horrible, were looking after sam 4 ya-well actually my sis is!!! do you know theyre "courting"??!! ha ha!wulda made a nice lil gang, us lot! very cosy!!!
will be thinking of you lots hope youre looking over us mate.
miss ya tons! ill write again soon ok.
love you xxxxxxxx
'+Hello Jonny, it's Shane. I'm writing this in vague hope that where ever you are at the moment they have an internet connection. I imagine you would be on Kunningmindz.com taking the piss out of all the pretentious vinyl junkies. Gettin pretty bored without you here to be gettin bored with. I do miss you mate, but at the same time i don't feel like you have gone too far. Still feel you around me most days and in a funny way i have just got used to it, like a second shadow. When i see a "WRONGEN" in the street, I always chuckle to myself and imagine what your response would be.
Went to Amsterdam recently and had a pretty messy time, you would have appreciated it! I was a sad sight by the time i got back. All the photos of you on this site are all classics,
especially you in the kids race car.
You would be proud of Sam these days. Doing well with Holly and seems very settled and happy.
I think he never realised how close you two were until you departed. The great thing is that alot of you lives on in him. It's nice to have him around.
Sam is right, it is hard to believe the world just keeps on going when such a great character
leaves us behind.
Hope you don't mind but i put your little plastic pander toy on my shelf as a keep sake. Makes
e smile. So pleased you defaced our lift as well. I'm not so sure the neighbours like it, but hey who cares huh?
Think of us all at christmas time mate and we will do the same, that way we are still truly
together. I know you are still there anyway. I have never felt alone since you left us, because you didn't really go.
Hope you are buzzin mate wherever you are. Love you always mate. Shane
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hi ya johnny boy, merry christmas and a happy new year where ever you are mate i really miss you and your really chessey jokes that aways will give people aa little tickle when they think of of you . it's amazing how christmas is here already wish u were here right now to see how flipping cold it is down here at gosport love ya so much and i hope yourhavin as much fun as i am love you forever and always liz wiz aroo xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx .
Jon
Hey, its your old mate 'GENNEY' only just heard about this terrible news 21/12/06 to be exact, Your youngest bro sam informed me whilst drinking with him and his mates, really carnt beleive it, its shocked me !! we were really good mates when we met at tollbar school in 1994! we had some good times most of which were drunken moments ha ha, the good old days at baskervilles and that pub which is now called baileys i think? A memory that really stands out is when me ,you and darren cutter went back to yours after a night out and we got abit worried about daz coz he passed out and we couldnt wake him, when he finally did wake he spewed all over your kitchen, oh yeah we also tied various objects to him with string ha ha(soz daz) then your dog 'the late hatty' i think she was called,started eating the spew and you went off your head!! crazy times..
we moved our seperate ways when we got jobs etc! really wish we kept in touch! it was nice seeing you again and having a chat at the beginig of the year in weatherspoons!! your gonna be missed mate! my heart goes out to all your family! R.I.P ....................................................................................................
i cant believe how long its been since i have seen you,i think about you everyday and whenever i look through my phone book on my mobile i still see your number saved on my phone like everyone else i cant bring myself to delete it because that would mean coming to terms with the fact that your not here and even after all this time im still not ready to except it. i remember missing you so much last christmas and new year coz you had gone home.it took me ages to finally get hold of you all i wanted was to check you were ok and that you were coming bak because i coudnt imagine not seeing you again although atleast then i new i could call you up.but by some cruel twist of fate you were taken away. my thoughts go out to your family at this particuarlly difficult time.
miss you loads charlie xxx
now then soldier , its 5:18 am christmas day , and everyones fast asleep in bed..... you wouldnt let that appen would you mate , you woulda bin up 5am openin everyones bedroom doors a little bit whispering loudly going " psst sam psst sam wake up sam lets get mum and rich up " then thatd be it , by this time now instead of me bein the only one up , rich'd be in the kitchen on the famous coffee rounds , we'd be checkin to see if old saint nick had done the rounds.... everything i do since you left my life , has been done thinking of you ....well not thinking , i dont know what it is , if i was better at english i would be able to describe it , it like i have a section of my feelings that go out to you in evrything that i do , seriously mate am not sure but anyway , going back to the point , (and yes mate i am still pretty much mashed still from last night) the feeling of you is here and going to be more than ever , you knew the score .... christmas day was the boy .... not gunna be the same but the feeling of having you here , and i suppose they call it keeping the spirit alive will be as strong as ever today .... id love , id do anything to have this day with you being here , we need your jokes that were stupidly funny , and someone to polish of the crimbo dinner ...ill try eat your lot , and ava few beers for you mate, make sure the rest of the 'sleeping mob' get up ina minute i rekon , you wouldnt ave them sleepin at what is 5:30 now would you kid ... ill try make sure everyone has a gudden as will everyone else for everyone , dunno if that makes sense but who cares anymore , what does? ... ok am spouting crap now am off , saw your mate daz cutter yesterday , hes sound isnt he , its sad me you and him couldnt of gone for a few over christmas , youll be here you are here ..... actually coming to think of it , i was literally in a coma from going out last nite , and any other time id be fast asleep , even though it is crimbo , i should still be comatose till 7 or 8 ..... so am thinkin you must of woke me up at 5'oclock, propa oldskool style , hahah .... cheers kid ,.......... right mate , ant really covered or said much really , but dont know what to say ... just you are here more than ever yet missin you like nothing else .... love you mate . seeya soon am sure of it , were both gunna end up in the same gaff so seeya soon , gunna get going cos i need to wake the gang up i rekon , we cant ave em sleepin still before 6am can we .... ill write more very soon . love and light jonboy , sambo xxx :-)
Hi Stareboy
Guess what ? I found the DVD for Shane for Chrimbo and if he is not spouting about 'electric cornflakes' by the New Year, I want to know why,
p.s cheers babe this is the one and only year ever ever that the bloody fairy has decided to 'keel over' on the tree !!!
I imagine you would also agree that you have been joined by the most soulful and excellent company, I have raised a glass for his passing and of course many many for you my friend,
keeping it real Jonathan x x x x x x x x x x
New year 2007 Been very hard the thought of entering a New Year without you...................then I could slap myself when I realise of course were not...you are with us and you always will be. We will however always miss the mad sense of humour and crazy discussions about whether something was a paradox or a false opposition!!! I am reminded of you almost hourly in so many things mainly nature, rays of light, rain and birds soaring...but the big thing at the moment is the toothpaste advert!!!!! You are that little boy and he has got your stripped pyjammas on, I still have them somewhere or has he pinched them? Haaaaaaaaaaasssssssssss heeeeeeeeeeee?
hey sponhead!just sat here thinking what an"ok" new year we had! shane was workin but he wouldnt if u were here! we woulda had such a giggle! still cant believe ur gone!!! id give ANYTHING! to have u back and i mean anything my shoes, my glitter, just wanna hug u n wish u happy new year we loved spending lotsa time with u!
thats it just wanted 2 tell ya
sleep tight xxx
me and you should of been in gy over crimbo and new year,thats what you wanted to do. i tried to ava gudden but it didnt happen , went out with sexual harrasment panda for a few drinks thats about it haha.we could of gone back to spoors after dizstruxshon. you said you wanted a good new years this year,and go to a good drum n bass rave, am sorry but i couldnt get down to the n.e.c. and chuck some shapes for ya mate . am sure dan and spoor and the others did enough for us two though . juyst bin reading through those messages we sent that joel from rathergood.com , hahah .... are you really a crab ? hahahah ...... only you mate , one in a million - hyper million . quazillion . missin you more and more . lifes boring now . gotta deal with the mundane life . untill one day , well who knows ....
l8r.
looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooook ....................... .................................................................................. .................................................................................. ..................... at iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis
gggggggggggggggggggoooooooooooooooooooooooooiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiddddddddddddddddddddddddddd
Had a proper Jonny day yesterday like we used to have when you were here this time last year, watched films all day, finally got round to watchin Identity... that you down loaded for us and so wanted us to watch........... while sitting there I suddenly realised that we were not only watching your film but not bothering with dinner we had choosen to sit and eat apple crumble instead!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you trained us well boy and yes I can see why you loved it very Tarentino.......... even though it wasnt.........just finished Ben Eltons Gridlocked too I can see why you enjoyed that as well. cant imagine where you got your political and analytical taste from boy ! Cannnnnnnnnnnnnnn Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii?
forever with me mate , rememberd a few funny things lately we used to say and do ... cheese toasties ? .... yeah ok mate ..... i am willing to accept! , laffed my head off on the bus to college when i remembered that. and i am now. i laff then it suddenly cancels and it hits :( ... its no easier mate , i feel you know what were all thinkin , you know whats goin on ... ive got so much music onmy ipod that reminds me of you , and your personality , i often cry and get a sore throat . i used to hide the tears , they can come anytime now without notice. tears of love for someone i realise was such a special person in my life. youve created me , i think id be different if i didnt have you as a brother , i feel so much like i think you felt. the emotion , the personality , the general outlook . am proud to keep you with me jon . ya know , the same as everyone really . . . i'd love to go out tonight with you again , �30 all you can drink , blag a kebab off micheal and not do him any cd's ... mate , the feelings so strange . you know i wish i hadnt frazzled my brain and paid more attention to english and personal development , then i could possibly explain my feelings better . your with me so you understand. the same as if things were exactly opposite . i write on here for YOU , i know people may read it , to them their words , to me their feelings in the form of letters . i dont know what to say. am sorry , what would you want. to move on , get on with it , have a laugh nd beer for you . if only it was that simple . thats what you do on the outside , thats like the baring shell . then theres a layer of feeling confused , then a missing layer of content deep inside, . well jon i think ud of felt the same, infact , i KNOW YOU would . i think deep thoughts , i get lost in my own mind. searching for that thing that slipped out of place in june , so i can bang it back in place to loose the sore throat. theres times when i do a big long heavy breath out, and sit my head back , its like wanting to let go of everything momentarilly , then i sit back up and carry on . lifes going to go quick i think ... will finish college soon which you'd of respected , get working and do the do as you gotta do . am just waffling i know , but in all honesty what can i say ,write, do ... that is right. thats the confused bit that i feel angery about. its millions of feeling all over . heparsulph for me i think . well i cannot remember what ive typed . basically justwant you to know jon that i think of you all the time , everyday ... things i say and do are done around you , with you , thinkin of you ., its strange , i feel closer to you now than ever , and your the furthest away in person.wish youd walk thru the door pullin a stupid face, id get the beers..... if only! thanks for the 20 years of memories , and the recent ones in detail that i cherish in my heart for the rest of my days. you were the beginning of the brothers , what a blessing to ave such a character as my bro ... you could of been some boring git , with no sense of humour .... i suppose thats exactly what you need in this life ..... a sense of humour. you showed that, nothing can be taken to seriously . respect for everything mate. you were a very strong character, an incredible man... you showed and stood for alot , I'm proud to be your brother.
biggup . . . .
oh yea nicky blackmarket at rinsed , longside the ren dolla , and small paul ...... iiiiiiiiiiiiiissssss iiiiiittttttttttt .
love n light goes out in my thoughts. day by day , sam xxxxx
Going to be close to you this weekend and I cant wait, family, blood, those ties are everything and priceless. If any lessons have been learned from your passing that is the strongest. Shane is getting married you will be right smack in the middle of that celebration same as if you had not passed on. Shall I wear your ridiculous tea shirt or shall I ask Shane to wear it, now that would be somthing, mind I think it is yours always no one else could have done it the same justice !
Keeping it real Jon and never ever far away from your site x x x x x
thinking of you m8 - always and forever
I continue to write and let you know I am thinking of you because I believe that there is truly a possibility you are picking this up and if I was a religious person I would attend a church or pray or somthing but knowing you I would imagine this to be the best way to let you know that I think of you each and every day and I know you will be so happy that so many others do too, x x x x x x x x x x x x
Hey your back!! missed you for a few days there, thank god for this site x x x x x
Hey jonnyboy
missing u loads babe!!!!!!!!!!!!! never 4get u! now i have moved i think about u more cos i think of the last thing we did together do u remember me trying to lay the carpet in Aaliyha's (lisas baby) bedroom i was doing ok well i like to think i was but u came n saved the carpet n helped me out ay n i kept nippin myself with the standly nife lol but still wouldn't give in n let u do it 4me but we did have a giggle doing the carpet together. Sam n shane came with u as well n shane in his pissed up stat he was in thought he'd give us a hand at moving things but bless him he was just makin a mess so it was left to me n u ay lol! I will never 4get that nite ever i remember everything we did n sed to each other sam n shane went home think they was scared i was gonna make them do some really manly work ay! wen they left me u lisa n my cousin matt was sat around chattin n that n i strated the computer up n like the STAR u r u fix a problems on lisa's com that no1 had been able 2n then she showed u the really bad photos she ad of me n we looked at the ones of all of us pissin about in emma's nite club n mine or ur flat! those few months me u sam nd harry spent everyday together nearly i can say was the happyest days i can remember avin we was just always laughin avin fun n just felt so happy!!!!!!!!!!!
I remember talkin about lots of things u ad on ur mind tat nite it was the wednesday be4 u ad ur atac n im really glad u shared them worries with so u didnt have to keep them with u now so i no all u have with u is the good things in ur life! oh n one big thing i remember is that out of all the films u ad downloaded n watch u adn't seen The 51st stat! one of the best flims ever n we was meant to watch it together we didnt get chance but every time iv seen it now i no u ave been sat there with me laughin alone to it with me ay babe!x
well harry is getting bigger n a bigger gob on him ay now he has a big house to run around in n a garden he thinks he rules the roost alot more then he thought he did in the 1st place he tell me its his house n garden not mine rong isn't it but funny still ay lol! he goes 2school soon how quickly as tat gone past ay but the little *hit still wont give his dummys up no way iv tryed every blag i can but ant happenin to stong minded already!
i do really feel u with me a lot of the time u no n i no i dont put much on ere 4u u no i never stop thinkin i or talkin about u i must talk about u at lest twice a day in someway to people u was n still r a very liked if not loved person around gospit n every1 remembers us bein together a lot last yr n we end talkin about things tat happened n tat! u n sam made such a differents in mine n harrys life harry thought the world of u n it didn't matter how tired u was u had all the time 4 him n im gutted he is to young to remember wat u did together but i wont ever let him 4get about u n how u was together!
ur'll always have a special place in my heart n my ed tat no1 will ever be able to take away from me ever i promise u tat jon!
just promise me u will keep smilin like u always did ay n never c the bad in anything like u never did
i no how much everyone meant u deff ur family n real close friends n i no u wont like seein us hurt
cos u just want every1 to be happy all the time didnt u? n soon were find it easyer to deal with 4 ur
sack more then our own so u can happerly sit bk n watch us getting on with messin things up n doin silly
things to make u laugh at us n u can be at peace!
Ur mum is an amazin lady n im gutted it toke this to meet her i no u thought so much of her she was ur wolrd n i no she is hurtin so much everyday 4her lose of u n i no r there with her where everwhere she goes keepin a close eye on her n i hope she (debbie) feels tat to jon!
its taken me a long time to say all this about how i was feelin to u but iv so wanted to tell 4 ages but couldn't didn't no how to but now i ave it feels so much better now i no u can stop worriein about me hurtin still it will always hurt but i think not so bad now ay! Thank you 4bein in my life n bein the best person iv ever met i no we didn't have tat long together but wat we did was the most special friendship iv ever had n no body will ever take tat place i no this!!!
Jonnyboy u mean so much to everyone tat knows u n u always will babe u no that!
never 4got babe!!!!!
Alway my love is 4you jon miss u loads babe!
Hayley n Harry xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX
xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX
You should have been around this last couple of weeks. And it has really smacked me in the face as I have started taking the kids down the Bay a lot more for fresh air' and the celebrations have started for the wedding and I remember you are always as large as life in any celebration a real 'Party Guy',
Hope you will be with us all x x x x x x x x x x x
what did you rekon to the stag do then bruv , hahaha , wicked wasnt it . I know you was there , sometimes feel you with me , but not as often as i'd like , but you was definetely there i talked to you a few times , i was sure you was with us, where else would you be? shanes stag, nice grimey dnb nite.... stompin to the menace , blade , jonny bravo , pressure ... what a night. missin you mate , i go to greece for 6 months soon . so if you fancy a cheap holiday come along pal and look after me . inabit x
jonnyboy missin u more then ever
i thought writin to u how i was feelin n rememberin everything we sed n did together on the last time of bein together would of help me get over how much i miss u but it asn't i still miss u as much if not more as i did then!
cant belive it as gone a yr already feels like yesterday but feels like the pain as been ere 4ever! i no it will get easyer one day but will still hurt 4ever! i still think about u everyday!
harry was lookin at ur pic the other day n he remember about u always playin with him n sam bein there as well but he got ur names mixed up again sed u was sam n sam was u bless him ay! harry is startin school in september can u belive it hes grown up so quick ay! at the moment he's goin round thinkin he's spiderman tryin to web every1 like spiderman does lol he's so funny ay but also so naughty with it n he no's he is!
the new house is gettin there i sit on my balcany early mornins sometimes it over looks the creak dont sound nice but looks lovely n i no u would just love it there we wouldn't get u bk in it a nice place to just sit n think about everythin i wish u could see 4 ur self ay!
well need to shot gotta get harry from nursey babe missin u so much it hurts!
ur always in my thoughts n my heart love u!!!
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just seen the easter pictures! hahah , thats cheered me up ... nothing like rubbin a melted easter egg round the chops before tucking in ! xx
hi angel, just been scrolling through your site.Isaw the picture of us on there and i just gushed. i cant believe its two months short of a year since you left this world and moved on to the other.Its not fair,the good people get the short straw and the basterds get what they want.We'll be down this year again hopefully,thats if chris agrees to drive the twelve hour jornt.Itll just be so not being able to purposly run in to you at a birthday party or bbq.
I never let go not even when you were here and i never will.distance means nothing!!!!
natt macXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXx
Hiya mate it's shane,
As you very well know, i am always talking to you when i'm alone at night working. I always watch this clairvoyant programme on the box. It has helped me believe that you are always here for me mate, although i always knew it. I feel now that you have become a part of us all and we are all the luckier for it. Having a crap time at the moment as my mortgage has just gone down the shitter.
I guess you don't have to worry about that crap where you are. LUCKY GIT!
As Sam said, i hope you came along to the stag do mate. I think you
probably were. Never one to miss a mad night out hey buddy?
You have taught me alot about life mate. I can't miss you enough, but i know that time will pass and one day we can meet again. What a great day that will be. 16 days left to my wedding!! I know you will be there, i have prepared a few tunes to be played for ya! Take care buddy and stick close, i know you are there and i never feel lonely knowing that. Peace mate
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If its possible to miss you more...... then right now I do, you would have been so much in with the current events........ we can never be complete....... you were so big you leave a gap too great for even the unknowing to miss........if only we could hear that crazy laugh again x - Miss you, wish you were here
x x x x x x x x x ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Thinking of you an awful lot recently, well you're always in my thoughts but more intensely lately. I can't believe its coming up to a year since you were taken away from us. There's supposed to be x many stages to this grief stuff, but i'm still stuck at bloody anger and denial. Sorry babes, just can't move on, can't and WON'T believe I won't see you again. Well my life has changed in so many ways and you were there for me through the shitest part of it. Hope I was there for you. Recalling some of our many deep and meaningfuls, I know I helped you too. You were f***ing special. One of a kind. Love you so very much I'd trade everything I've got for an hour with you to laugh, chat and generally piss about. I guess we all would eh honey. Love you always xxxx
Almost too hard even to write on here at the moment. This time last year we were planning our week down there with you. Sick of hospitals and all that went with them we decided to have a day together in London and I am so glad we did. Moochin round Camden was great, you were pretty impressed by the buzz and general vibe of the place, though I thought later maybe Monday was not the best day to catch it all.......... typical of us though eh the slightly diluted bit but we all enjoyed it anyway. You loved the London aquarium too it really was a day I will always treasure like so many we shared. I suppose ultimately memories are all any of us have and you have given us some of the best. The most hillarious moments, the saddest moments and the most special were all shared with you.
you will hear us and feel us and I, and all those who have gathered will make sure of it x x x x x x x big up to you boy !!!!
It has taken me a long time to write to you here Jon although it has preyed on my mind for ages. I think really it has been because I have needed time and space to reflect on us and our memories such that we had when we were young. I remember so many things when we all played as children, I remember you, Daniel and Joe kicking over mushrooms in the garden and me throwing a fit because it was destroying nature. I remember Aunty Deb serving us a salad with sesame seeds in it and me telling you and Joe that they were flies eggs (man she was pissed). I remember me teaching you how to spell your name - incorrectly as I wasn't much older than you... Through all the memories I remember your soft brown eyes and crooked smile... It breaks my heart to know that I will never see you again. I feel so blessed that I got to see you the final time that I was in the UK. That I got to take you on board the ship and feed you caviar and Dom Perignon. My Mother told me later that you never forgot it and spoke of it often. That is one little pleasure that I have carried with me - that I got to see you one last time and that you really enjoyed it. Selfish of me really I suppose. Those that knew you better than I as the man that you became say that you lived life to the fullest. Every second of every day. I admire that very much, it was so awesome to see the man that you had become that final time I saw you. I cannot come to your memorial this year. It breaks my heart, as if it were possible I would. But I will be there in spirit. I love you my cousin, and I know in my heart that you are showing those spirits up in heaven how to live their after lives to the fullest.... Love, Nicola
Sping turns to summer, blossoms unfurl
shades of green encompass, relentless
and the old copper beech tree relaxes its leaves
to shelter the yard
where you played and schemed and grew.
--
I sit a long while now
thinking, thinking
of your beautiful boys face, thick black lash
longing to hear the roar of your laugh.
--
Dew from your rose reflects in my eye
quietly, sadly a year passes by.
many people gather today, as you know mate. i hope you can see how many people cared and thought alot of you , thats one of the main things i wish for. as i know that is what you always wanted, to be appreciated and loved as much as you loved and appreciated others. todays all about you , were all gathering on the beach, such a quiet tranquil place , where we can take time to sit , talk , think about you. its a massive place so i'm going to take a walk on my own down the beach . and have a little time to reflect.me and shane were down there the other day,im sure things will seem different today!! if you was with us you'll know what I mean.we were abit buzzin, and we talked and thought of you alot, and im sure you would of been with us. i still think ure here, i hope... i know shane is sure of it, he talks about you as if you are still here, its nice,he says stuff like 'its jons he uses it' dont know if that is actually what he says but he talks in present tence, and for a second it IS like your still with us, its a nice feeling poeple saying i look and act like you aswell its like am carring on the spirit, well in actual fact that is exactly what our family is doing.i cant believe its been a year, seems like last week we sat in nelsons talking to rob avin a carling. miss you as much as i did this time last year. i really do. it wont get better , never a nice feeling, but you learn to cope. I dont like the term ' move on ' because thats the last thing i want to do. Such a brilliant person will always stand out in this dull life. i am going to particularly spend a little time with mum, an incredible lady , who i know many agree, and if it wasnt for her we wouldnt of been able to celebrate your life today, and talk of the times you made us laugh , and realise that life should never be taken to seriously.
love you Jon , seeya on the otherside .
love n light xxxxxxx
Listening to your sounds, was like you were there, remember when we listened to many of them together. How safe in our hearts you are Jonathan, will celebrate your life always my friend,
x x x x x x x x x x x
From Rick Kempster
On 9th June this year, my friends and I were in the same pub were we met Jon last year, as it is our usual meeting rendezvous when we go off on our annual 'lads' cruise. We drank to Jon's memory, it was wonderful to meet up with him last year. It was a privilege to have known Jon, we enjoyed his company immensely and I think of him every time I go to the boat and pass the flats were he lived. I am often reminded of the time when he sailed down to Torquay with us. I went a bit closer to Portland Bill than usual, and it can be notoriously rough. I was below checking our position when I felt the boat lurch. I went on deck to find that we had shipped a largish wave over the stern. Kaye and Jane were looking decidedly unimpressed amid the soaked cockpit cushions but Jon, at the helm, was grinning from ear to ear. That holiday was great fun and he was an excellent, natural sailor.
Still thinking of ya jon! genney!
With us as always, sat with Shane today and drank orange and talked and I know you would have been with us. Miss you each day, still explaining your sudden disapearance to people who have only just found out, which is a strange feeling. World still revolving, babies being born and were all getting older but you will be forever young as I think maybe you were meant to be,
see you one day Jon
x x x x x x x x x x x
Went down to the beach today boy, watched the inshore rescue and remembered how last year we were able to give the last gift we could to you. You have given us a lifetime of love, laughs and memories, missing you always xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Thinking of you on your 27th birthday my beautiful boy x x x x x what fun we had x x x x x ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Sending love hugs kisses and laughs into the cosmos on what would have been, more to the point, SHOULD have been your 27th birthday. No doubt you would have celebrated with a few beers. Miss you like crazy. Your friendship meant so much to me. Can't help but shed tears for you. May your mum find some solace in the fact that she gave so much joy to the world when she brought you into it 27 years ago. It breaks my heart to look at my little boy and imagine what pain she and all your family must be going through. My thoughts are with you all xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
( CHEESE TOATIES ? )
I AM WILLING TO ACCEPT !! , I MISS YOU TONNES MATE, MISS FOOLING AROUND AND DEFFIN OURSELVES OUT ... SEEYA AGAIN , XX
I DONT NEED TO WRITE WHO THIS IS FROM BECAUSE I HOPE YOU KNOW WHAT IM WRITING , AND YOU WILL BE DOING THE ' I AM WILLING TO ACCEPT'
Had your two best mates arive to see us at the same time this week. A suprise visit it was lovely and made you feel so close and would you believe one of them is now a very Proud Grandad !!!!!!!! pretty amazing at 34 !!!!!!!! dont worry we gave him hell for ya....... off to see the new addition today......... will take your love....I carry it constantly ......... someone told me I had a really sick sence of humour yesterday!!!!!!!!! have I ?????????????? ......not a patch on yours .........memories of it make me laugh deep and often xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
ME AND SHANE ARE GOING TO BREAKNECK AS GORILLAS AS IM SURE YOU ARE AWARE, IF ONLY YOU COULD JOIN DRESS UP AND JOIN US , THE 3 OF US JUMPIN' ABOUT TO SOME DRUM N BASS IN GORILLA COSTUMES WOULD BE AN AMAZING MEMORY, I KNOW YOU WILL BE WITH ME STILL THO BUD.
LOVE YOU , BENN THINKING ABOUT YOU ALOT RECENTLY. MANY HAPPY MEMORIES THAT GOT SHOT OUT MY HEAD IN AN INSTNT WITH A HARSH FEELING OF EMPTYNESS AND LOSS , BUT A FOCUS ON THE GOOD TIMES HELPS VERY MUCH. THANK GOD FOR YOUR SENSE OF HUMOUR AND THE MANY MANY MANY LAUGHS WE SHARED AS THIS HELPS SO MUCH THAN IF WE WERE DISTANT AND NEVER GOT TO KNEW EACH OTHER TOTALLY. LOTS OF LOVE MATE. YOU KNOW . VISIT SOON PLLLLZZZZZ :)
well the gorrilas thing didnt happen !! hahah , oh well nice thought , shane went as some sort of mad escaped convict guy and i went as a pipe . the kid ! ... meatball marinara , cant have one without thinking of you , when you introduced me to the world of subway when i first moved down because they didnt have one in grimsby. the fella . we had one in commercial road subway , on itlien bread , scoffed one of them each then back on the beer !! appy days x
Hello Love I had to do this as I know you would love it,
the feelings poem
I love the world I love its beauty, I love my mum and everyone. My name is Richard and iam happy but sometimes sappy in my mums lappy I love the world and its feelings which need healing. And its surface but did I mention iam nervous the feelings in a heart beat are lovely and cool its amazing what people can do. THE END
Memories of you are still shared and smiled at and laughed at a lot,and still constantly wish you were here,
x x x x x x x x x x x x
HEY ANGEL,iv felt really compelled and drawn to this site today.had a seriel dream last nite, u were in it,cant really remember it though,but it was strange and compelling.iv not been able to find rest allday until i read ur mums bit on were u are.it would be just like u to fly away with no boundries,free to saw above the clouds.ill look out for the cheeky gull.i wish i could have been there.i dont feel like iv said goodbye to u.wish i could have had one last cuddle.forever in my heart.
How far that little candle throws his beams. So shines a good deed in a weary world.
William Shakespeare
20.12.2007
Getting really excited now about your brothers coming home for the weekend. How wonderful, rare and special are those times that we all spend together. Maybe only a mother can explain the satisfaction and sense of peace and pride that comes from having all your now fully completed and independant chicks in the nest. And yet. Preparing for another christmas without you is possibly worse than ever. Our home, which we have been preparing for what seems months now, echoes like my heart with the relentless, roaring sound of your silence.
I can see you so clearly standing on the pew in St Nicholas church in Wickham with the bright flame from your candle lighting up your beautiful face, whilst you sang out 'Away in a manger'...... you were clearly thrilled they had picked a carol you knew so well. Christmas eve was always special for us as a family so many warm and happy memories and so much love, that and your special ability to make everyone laugh are the gifts you have left us for every christmas.
here, here ,
thanks jon for the many memories. i feel you with me alot lately, i even move or ay something in a certain way , that makes me realise im carrying you on with me. very strange feeling , but very nice aswell. love you bro. seeya soon x
'The Jonathan story !
by Elizabeth Littleproud
On the Thursday night when I was just settling down to sleep I saw a strange figure standing next to my bed room wardrobe I was a bit frightened at first until I realised who it was ����������� it was Jon leaning against my bed room wardrobe he smiled at me as he did and I asked him if he was ok he smiled and nodded I asked if he could stay the night if he would like to and protect me in my sleep . he put his thumb up and just laughed the little monkey and I thought it was pretty cool to see Jon again so he is really out there he might even visit you if you just believe. I am now waiting to see nanny parry and hope she will visit soon from lizzie littleproud jonnys lil cuz .
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX OOOOOOOOOO'
wheres jonboy when ya need him , i swear he dropped us lot in it just to take the piss,
as much as i tresure this laptop of yours i sit here and type on , its a shame that i cant use the bloody thing mate! , if your out there somewhere , fix my msn , and teach me how to open these files that ive downloaded , i bet your laughing saying , ' i know how to do it! ' ... which me and shane both have tried and agree totally that we need you to share some light on the matter . anyway , this is a cheap shot jon but ... sort my msn messenger out mate, cummon you must have powers now ... surely. oh yea , and while your at it, ive been skammed on ebay , send them a virus from me , cheers pal
just spent a while reading throught this site, some great memories . made me sad and happy. wierd feeling, you are sad, but want to be happy because it feels nicer , and the memories are fuuny as. and well treasured ... but anyway, i hope you can read all this , but judging by the amount of stuff on here , and how well i knew you , your up there sumwhere thinking ' fuck reading all that ill be here for ages! ' . on a serious one, i wish you were around now , as ive chilled out alot and getting into my cooking !! ahaa, little ginger ainsley! and life abit more and settling down very happy with holly. in all honesty its since you hav gone ive decided to make my life something and not just drink it away. im looking to get into music, and selling some stuff on ebay and very intersted in care work,... ... i think i am you !..,me and shane are seeing about producing tunes and music,not for the fame just for the love of it , and im sure you would of been quids in no doubt. anyway, i know sumwhere your hear my thoughts, and its cool you visited liz, and told me everything was cool in my dreams so im happy your ok buddy. time rolls slow but im alot happier now. im just very happy to carry on the beale legacy, .. and what about joe, happy days .. its sort of lucky tho , think his/her uncles would of scared them abit !! later mate.. p.s. .. im going to buy a lottery ticket on saturday .. do the bizz and ill sort the family out!
You taught me quite a lot in your time, but I promise you I will pass on your memories soon I am glad they were there for me to find. Thanks for pointing me in the right direction.
Thinking and thinking that I would really love you to be here at moment as you would understand so much and be such a support. Your always at your best when the shit goes down,
love always x x x x x x
February 14th 1990 X one of the most special of memories: You were nine years old and your father and I had seperated the year before this. You pestered before school, determined and insistent that you go to the corner shop. In my usual school morning rush and stress I took little notice but just told you to go and hurry back so you would be ready for school on time. Later I found it on the doormat. I have it in my hand now. The most special Valentine card anyone, ever received. So concerned were you for my happiness. You explained that you didn't want me to have a year without a valentine. Astute, sensitive and intuitive at nine years old... how blessed am I x
thats jonny boy !! ,
alrite bang out ! ... just buzzed me socks off and they blew accross the room .... phump-phump!! , that blokewith the Giant hat on ... terrible
You came to stay in 200 and something !! memory shot really for accurate timing. I had always been close to you since you were little. I loved you, you were a cheeky monkey, you were ridiculous, outrageous and you were heart achingly deep even when very young. But you never really fit in anywhere I guess you always knew that your future would be different, and so did I, which is why I wanted to try and get you at least some satisfaction, a job, some dosh maybe a woman at least some self respect, something near normal like other blokes do. When you came it was bedlam, there was you, me, Harry, Brett, Liz and Rich and I can promise you to this day I do not know how I coped in this teeny tiny house with your floor pacing. All credit to bloody Prozac I reckon! Beavis and Butthead antics with Brett and constant bleeding chaos. But we did cope, many stories from me, Brett and the lads of laughter, fun and madness. When the bad times came for me, you were an absolute rock and at that time you showed more mercy, care and tenderness than anyone I ever knew. But how we laughed and messed about you made me giggle like a 14 year old at times, we played out full blown fist and kicking fights in the garage, your best impression of John Cleese and me pretending to be furious. Then we went to the Grocers and you had the two shop ladies completely fooled as you walked around with a glazed expression saying, �Minneola�s� as if it was the only word you could say. How did I keep a straight face when I was at the checkout with you swaying by my side and the ladies saying �ahh, that�s wonderful� as I told them you had also learnt to say �Auntie Hazel� too !
What a bleeding sod you were, are. We shared the love of everything funny and my most outstanding and long lasting memories are of the laughter while you were here. There were so many times when you and I met at 3.00am, neither able to sleep and both sharing our feelings on all sorts of stuff. You knew how devastated I was about little Rich, what a bloody crime that your not here to see how lovely he has become, you would get on so well now. And how about our trip to Devon, what a great laugh we had, you could make anyone smile, usually laughs out loud. I love you for that; it was one of your strongest gifts.
Miss you x x x x x
Went to pop a birthday card into Daz's house tonight. Memories came flooding back, year before last you bought him that eight ball as a gear stick knob for his VW Camper .... you and him were gonna go trekin down to Cornwall in that old banger, what a laugh you two seemed to have. I can see you now with that rally car you bought and kept in Daz's yard while you worked on it, until sense prevailed. Kinda ironic that you actually had some dosh sorted just before you died from the car and all. Naturally you were so generous that if you had any money it meant treatin everyone but this time you had some plans for making some long term financial security, aint life strange ? Wish I was pickin you up from a birthday bash with your mate......... you shared so many of them together xxxxxxxxxxxx
Jonathan fought like a brave man
He was bold strong and fierce like my friend Misses Pierce, I loved him at night he kissed me good night; I have very bold ears no crying in tears he will also be with me forever.
By Richard Littleproud thank you god bless Jon
A special Easter cause we are all spending time together, stay close by boy.
somewhere in the silence i can hear it, loud and strong, perfectly timed, your voice, my name . it keeps me warm , your not 2 far keep calling.
its this place , your place, sat in the same chair, its late and its silient, but i can shut my eyes and remember, and hear you ill keep playing it as much as i can theres something missing though.. its you on the sofa in old boxers commenting annoyingly over every t.v. advert with an overgrown barnet and that duvet without the cover on ! - btw .. it still hasnt got a cover on and it still says ' sam eats poo' in biro pen on it! ...
seeya soon .. sambo x
Once more the early morning light casts its long shadow.....and it becomes harder to securely lock this tired heart in its cool, steel case.....to face another day..........without you.
would you believe it Pompey actually won the cup.... that would mean some party, could of gone on for days eh !!!!!!!!!
Wish you were here ...........................
GIIIIAAAAANTTTTT BEEEEEE , YOUR LOVELY ..... GIANT GOIIIIIIIDDDD , YOUR AN ASTEROOOOIIIIIIIIIDDDDDDDDDD !
Two years ago today since I last saw that beautiful face x seen nothing to compare since X That day was also the first time I ever bought you cigs.... 10 Embassy, inside pocket.... Well I figured you had proved you were right so it seemed a good time to stop the nagging....
How very dull it has been without you boy X
I remembered today when me and you carried an old settee down the alleyway and I actually wet myself laughing at your stupid jokes !!!
You would be so proud of your brother right now and so chuffed about the new addition to our family. Watch over him for us and we will make sure he comes to know his uncle Jonathan, well he will want to know about the person whose name he has been given wont he ? I do have the strangest but very strong feeling that you have met him already.
I could really do with a chat right now. You were always there at the right times for me, conversations these days are a bit onesided, any ideas would be gratefully received x
deffffffffffffiinininiininini ..... i just wrote an essay of funny shizznit on here, went to save it and pressed delete by accident and its deleted it all ... and i cant be bothered to write it agan becuase your a giant... will wirte it 2mo mate. later ' wwwwwiiiiiittttt
I should say that by now my friend you would be finding the odd grey hair or two or three....... you wouldnt like that much. Been giving a lot of thought to you lately, you are special like that Love Doris x x x x x x x x
No card or pressie today boy, but awsome memories of fun and laughter. How you would have loved this champagne treatment Mr Armani !!! The sea rocks and soothes. I feel you close my birthday boy X X X
me and harry enjoyed our beers lastnight , 'raised to you of corse,... and i had to finish it off in style, so i ended up in emmas where no doubt you would of , happy birthday me old sock
It's unfair that time marches on without you here, when for those of us who knew and loved you, time has sort of stood still. I had a dream the other night and we chatted like we used to. And although I had to wake and realise it was just a dream, boy it felt good to have had you there, so real. I miss you the same as ever xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Welcome back to anyone who has missed this site whilst it has been down this past couple of weeks. We have a guardian angel in the USA who keeps it going for us all and picks it up when it fails, so dont give up visiting if its ever not available as it should only ever be a brief interuption.
I was going to say this is a third christmas without you here which is kind of hard to believe, but then I realised the reason its hard to believe is because you are here. You are all around us I feel your presence most of the time. You loved christmas and enjoyed all the family time we shared. Your christmas stocking and the many gifts you brought and made are here as they should be and this year your nephew James Jonathan will be the one making all the noise at the dinner table, which is just as it should be. Stay close x
Missing you for another year Ted
x x x x x x x _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Merry xmas Jonny boy x x x Missed as much as ever x x x x x
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Been thinking about you a lot today boy. New years eve, I remember your last one so well. You chose not to go out partying with your mates but to spend the night in with me and the old dude, we ordered a spanking chinese meal and watched a film together. I was so concerned that you were not doin what you loved best and socialising but I remember you reassuring me saying 'Mum I can get drunk anytime, I want to stay in with you.'.......... I remind myself you were only 25 years old then and you being party boy that was a pretty unusual decision. And now the memories of that night will be with me forever, just like the memories of our last christmas. Thank you boy x
There are so many things that have changed already in the short time it has been since you passed away. Me and the lads were saying how much you would have loved some of them too and not so much others. Find myself still sitting in this room at stupid hours wishing you were here for a chat, you were great at listening too. Met a lady who visited us when you were sharing the front room with Harry, she was gutted when I told her you were no longer here as you had given her a long description of little Rich's problems at the time and she had been so impressed by your knowledge and how much you cared. You are still so fondly thought of Jon and so deeply missed by all of us,
JONNYBOY
Hey baby sooooo soz its been sooo long but there asnt been i day go past i aven't thought about u ay!!! miss u more every day still!! XxXxX
well harrys 5 now lovin bein at school but lovin windin me up more ay lol! hes gettin so big trys tellin me hes boss n that hes always rite but i soon show him hes not lol he LOVES spider man used to think he was but think he mite be gettin a bit old for that now ay lol its not cool to think ur that hehe! he love all the crazy things like doctor who n that loves his films u to wod have a fild day together just sittin around all wkend just watchin films ay!lol
im not to bad either just ad quite a bit of bad news lately thats y i ant come to say hi 4 a while soz but u no ur always in my ed even wen i go out ill never be able to forget u if i wanted lol coz born slippy must be the only tune that can be played at any sort of nite u go to i dont remember one nite iv been out n its not played it used to chock me at first but now i just see u there nxt to me dance n pissin about like u would be ay!
well just wanted to come say hi n tell u that i still love u as much now as i did then n u will be in my heart n my ed for ever but i think u do no that anyways ay!!!!!!
LOVE U SOOOOO MUCH JON!!!!! XxXxX
For some reason, certainly no plan I found myself watching Four Weddings and a Funeral it was not the first time I had seen it but this time something happened when I heard John Hannah read this poem by Auden. I had read it not long after you left us and maybe I was just to numb then. Auden perfectly captures my feelings particularly in those first few days when I sleep walked through Gosport high street and worse still past your local, I was so shocked to see people were still living. Ironicaly it was written as a satire in 1936 on the extravagant expressions of grief that attended the death of dictators. Auden was clearly never a mother.
Funeral Blues W.H. Auden
............
Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone.
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone.
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the moarners come.
.........................................
Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He is Dead
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves.
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.
...............................................
He was my North. my South, my East and West.
My working week and my Sunday rest.
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song:
I thought that love would last forever: I was wrong.
................................................
The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and dismantle the wood.
For nothing now can ever come to any good.
...........................................
With the passing of time I can now state that love clearly does last and certainly good remains..... its just never quite complete.
We are inducting Rich into Fawlty Towers and Father Ted, you would be proud ! Always in my thoughts Jon x x x x x x x
Getting ready for our family day that we spend every year in your memory. Cant believe its been three years now just you make sure you are there boy! I know you wouldnt miss it........X
Hey jonnyboyxx
well not sure wat to say cant belive it will be 3yrs today at times feels like its flown by but the pain feels like its been ere forever ay!!! i no people prob thought after a yr or so ill just forget about u but i feel as gutted today as i did wen ur mum answered the fone to me 3yrs ago to! well im gonna go babe soz its a short one but just wanted u to no im thinkin of u more today then most days but theres still not a day goes by that i speak about u or think about ay!!! LOVE U FOREVER JONNYBOYxxxxxxxxxxxx
We are here as we will be for as long as we are able until we are all together again, Today is for your memory x x x x x x x
Remembering 26.06.06
I clearly recall considering how impressed you would have been by the pristine, grey limousine that carried you that day. Your name spelt out in white chrysanthemums challenged our denial. The director of affairs walked slowly in front of the small convoy commanding a respectful pace, past the green onto the main road where the George and Dragon rebuffed our distress ouzing memories of laughter and life. Even the heavens cried that grey, June day; long, cold rivulets ran down the car windows hiding the warm salty tears on the faces of their inhabitants. Time seemed confused I wanted that journey never to be and yet never to end. When we did arrive it was initially to silence and a sea of faces, some familiar, waiting to take their lead from our countenance. Your banging anthem broke the silence challenging and rebelling as we filed slowly in behind the pall bearers. I looked around as the room overflowed and the aisles filled with those who had come to say goodbye. Faces filled with strain, sadness, shock, disbelief, anguish and pain, eyes that reflected my knowledge at this dreaded, inevitable moment and others expressing stunned ignorance. As it had come to pass then it was how it should have been the trembling in the voice of your loved cousin, the wringing hands of a loved brother. And after when the height of the tension had slightly elapsed I was so touched by the stories and memories of those who had loved you and laughed with you. Colleagues you had worked with proclaimed your brilliance. Friends recalled your legendary humour. People you had spent short but intense chapters of your life with from school days or different workplaces. People you had just socialised with at different pubs who had shared a special if transient moment in time with you. An initially unrecognized, beautiful, young woman explained how she had fallen in love with you at the tender age of 11 and had held that memory close all her life. Other young women whose hearts you had touched and some you had broken were all there. People you had supported and cared for, those who had supported you, all had a story to tell of their personal relationship with you and what it had meant to them. Many I remember you telling me about at various junctions in your life and so despite the fact I had not previously met them I felt I knew them nearly as well as you had done, as they introduced themselves memories of conversations and stories you shared with me came flooding back. I clearly recall your few, very close friends breaking down with tears streaming and stinging at the realisation of what this moment signified. All of your family who could be there were there of course. Some of us numb others heartbroken and shocked. Some very close to you some very distant, some feeling great sadness and some feeling guilt but all sensing the loss of something special a vital link in an invisible chain gone, irreplaceable. And now after a year has elapsed memories of that day remain imprinted, seeping through the numbness, often at unexpected moments, causing pangs of deeply felt pain. Those closest who recognise these emotions no longer look too deeply into one another�s eyes instead we busy our minutes with the mundane expectations of our lives. Filling our time by doing soothes at the most superficial of levels like a bruise being softly, rhythmically stroked or the gentle rocking of a distressed child on its mothers shoulder the perpetual motion brings comfort.
Its hard to believe it is two years since I wrote those words and three years since we said goodbye to you my beautiful boy.........miss you x
The greats just keep on joining you over there............ not sure about RIP Michael... I reckon its gonna be one hell of a concert..........X
Today is your little nephews' first birthday. You would be well impressed by him he is already showing some of his uncles ingenuity all to apparent when I saw him trying to fit his spoon behind a plug safety cover the other day. He also loves nothing better than socialising, give him a crowd of people, even strangers and its cheezy grins all round. His birthday has made me think about your first birthday, spent like so much of your time in hospital, the day before it you were in intensive care following your first bout of major heart surgery. So vividly I recall seeing you, so tiny, laying still, silent and wide open eyes on an adult sized bed, tubes, drips, rhythmically bleeping machines and monitors, needles everywhere, your black shiny lashes peeping over a ridgid face mask. You amazed them though when you still managed to scoot up and down the ward on your birthday, after all you were not gonna let a little thing like heart surgery stop you trying to have some fun. And that was it really the pattern set for your life. The surgery and interventions got even worse when you had your second op at 4 years old and I thought for a time I had lost the fun, life loving little man you were becoming but after a month in hospital there was no stopping you. Of course you were so very frequently in hospital and undergoing tests for everything and the drugs you were forced to have daily to stop you collapsing made you feel permanantly lousy but none of it stopped you living every moment to the max. That continued all your life days, weeks, months in hospital in Southampton or London. It got even harder when you became a young adult I remember so well at 18 you lay in the coronary care unit having just been told your heart was full of blood clots and really you could die at any moment....... you just carried on fighting, though the psychological battle you waged got increasingly difficult. They kept offering you hope in the form of wonder surgery and there were always such good odds given to you 50/50 you may make it ! 50/50 you may be better off with surgery you prepared for it then they pulled out at the last minute as they decided you probably would not survive it. All of this would amaze so many of your mates, they had no idea just how much you had to deal with. Even much of your own family have no idea how much trauma you suffered. You were twenty four years old when I last heard you cry out in physical pain from the constant tests, tears of pain and frustration poured down your face. But only you and I really knew. I do not normally dwell on all this stuff but it was a huge huge part of your life and to me it means the person everyone else knew so well..... the person that made everyone laugh, that helped them feel better when they were down, that pissed people off, that made people love you and perversly even made people envy you........ that person was more incredible more truly special more truly awsome than anyone ever knew. Harrys' tattoo is a most fitting tribute.
Hey boy, its been a real family summer this year so obviously you have been on our minds a lot. Can't believe you would have been 29 this month. I can't resist looking at any incredible new technological gadget that comes out, always makes me think of how you loved the latest techno gizmo, had to have it, absolutely vital. So I wonder is that what you would have wanted? But the truth is although you loved all that stuff, things never really meant a great deal to you once you had them. I reckon you could teach a lot of us about the value of whats really important cause I know for sure you absolutely knew . Stay close X
29 eh !!! you would be getting twitchy sbout that boy,
Thinking of you today x x x x x x x
jon where are you mate ??, how irresponsible of ya bruv .. am sat on my todd, ive got 2 crates of 6.3% French beer.. and no-one to drink em with, i even had a chinese takeaway on my own, cheers mate. haha .. missin you tho mate. should see the GnD now, youd get a funny look for farting at the bar so i dont go in there anymore.. i go in Wethers instead. its a shame, ive got a few quid, its a quiet sunday.. me and you would be down the boozer now.. probably be back home 1 hour later skint, but merry .. so much has changed but my good memories remain, and i can still hear your voice calling me a Bellend so alls good.Little James is the boy,youd of been his number one uncle,spoilt him like mad, as i plan to do.. will type more soon, hope your getting this and not just bagging me off!!,.. i need you to help me win the lottery or somekind of zany shit.. and jon.. know that good feelings are going out to ya bruv.. right .. bollocks to it.. am gunna go ave a beer for ya .. 2 ticks .............. ahhhhhhh nice one! it tastes good,cold out the fridge. wish you could share the others.. but to be honest, if you was here.. the beers certainly wouldnt be.. we would of done the lot by now. thinkin bout family things abit lately i suppose.. shit i may be growing up.. ill not let that happen, getting older than my memories of you will be strange somehow..still got joe to call me a bellend in big brother fashion.. but you were the only one who would simultaneously throw a mug at the wall at the same time for effect.haha ! love ya bro.. this beers goin to you.. and i may crack open another for me after ;) xx
Thinking of you lots at the moment boy. How you loved this time of year but every time I hear your brothers deep belly laugh and watch him trying to find where he left stuff then I realise your not far from us. Stay close my love.
hey u jonnyboyo
MERRY XMAS babe wish u was ere with us all miss u like mad somedays!!!
love u lots love hayley n harry x <3 x <3 x <3 x <3 x
31.12.2009 How I wish it were the start of the last decade when we were complete. What have we learned ?........ love is all .
Stay close and we will try to do the next decade justice for you. X X X
Thinking about you lots, missing you more. Been quite a hard year so far but thinking of you puts things into perspective. You will be loved till the end of time boy x
Hi Jon
We could really do with some of your awesome support right now, can believe another year has almost past us by. You are so missed and se well remembered, I guess that is all that really counts at the end, so sad that you left so young but grateful you have been here to touch us all,
Peace and Love x x x x x
The Long sunny days have returned... harder this year somehow with all the world cup stuff around again. I can still see that shirt proudly hanging there...what times you had planned. So glad you were happy then. Just wish you were here so we could talk about how lives are changing for everyone. You would be so proud of your brothers and your beautiful little nephew. He will come to know you well though....then he will understand how loved and missed you are. Will be washing my face in the solent soon...... Stay close my boy x
Hey Jonnyboy 4 yrs av flown by but feels like to longer away as well jonny boy miss u more everyday think of u always babe!!! more so rite now with the world cup cos 4 yrs ago u was sooo lookin forward to seein the first england game n that was the last thing we should of dun together all of us!!! RIP hunni ill never meet any1 like u again love u loads xxxxxxxx
Alright Love, I am having a day soon, on Thursday, a Doris Day, I know you would have loved to be in the thick of it, I know your brothers will do you proud, I wish I could tell you about it, I reckon you would understand my reasons for having this day too, think of you often, miss you, x x x x x x x x
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ THIS !! i'll certainly do you proud mate... you'll be there with us mate, 100% , ill feel that ..
Jon, I'm nearing 25 now .. feel more like you than ever, its so stange just feeling myself laugh and my actions sometimes , did part of you stay with me for real or what ? ... eitherway .. its all gravy, im at the age you were, when you left .. so that may be it . i dont know. but ... today is Haze's big day, shes so excited , like a big child she is at christmas, its amazing to see. ill be there in spirit for you mate. just stay by my side and we can do the do .. miss you old bean, get little reminders of things still. and , i can still hear your voice somehow. Your Nephews 2nd birthday soon. My favourite little man in the world, hes spot on.. you'd of been so close to him. anyway, gotta go get ready for this wedding, be there mate. everyone will feel it im sure. Later goid xx , love and light xxxxx
I know this birthday would have been special Jon, will raise a glass to you. I remember your lovely and ridiculous infectious laughter best of all. I remember your thick mop of hair you could not control and your silly skinny waist and feet. guess there are some folk who were meant to be forever young my friend. always in my thoughts Jonathan x x x x x
Its a comfort to know others are thinking of you on this your 30th birthday . Your birthday was always something very special as we both knew 30 was never really on the cards. So you filled each one you had with your own special energy. I can see them all in my mind and certain ones really stand out. The 1st in hospital 2 days after major heart surgery amazing all the doctors and nurses by trying to scoot up the ward on a little truck. The gift we bought you a spinning top with a clear dome on top so you could watch a train spin round. Your 2nd birthday we got you a sit and ride tractor ( John Deer) almost your first joined words....... and as you realised what was in the box you just stood for a few moments visibly trembling with excitement. You were such a beautiful, brave little boy, Wild, hectic, vibrant, mischievious, positively fizzing with energy and life. The 3rd birthday was your Fisher Price garage the love of cars was already clear. And then at four your 1st BMX bike you and Joe were so happy and excited with them. As you grew your love of technology developed and though we could not afford to indulge your every desire you were always so happy with your gifts. The last birthday gift we were able to give you was your 'Decks' and what a lot of fun they gave you. It gives me quite a lot of pleasure these days to speculate on which new tecno gadget would be your current desire. None of it ever meant much for long though as you realised more than anyone that material things mean nothing. Probably your greatest pleasure was the time you spent with friends in the pub having a laugh, or sharing a good film and a take away with someone. Ultimately its the people we conect with while we are here that make the most lasting impression. So to all those raising a glass and thinking of you today CHEERS X
You remain in my thoughts. Memories of times spent sharing drinks, laughs and troubles. Hope you are looking down on everyone that loves you still xxxx
Well I have been looking at the pictures from our holiday, a cruise with your brother his lovely wife and our beautiful grandson, your little nephew. (yeah we are getting a bit above our station in our old age). However, I was shocked when I kept thinking I could see you in the photos I really had to look long and hard at one as I was sure it was you, I also saw my Mum your Nan in more than one picture. Then I remembered when my Mum was in hospital and she knew she was dying she said quite emphatically ..... when I get out of here I am going to take Jon on a cruise.... it was a dream that gave her such comfort. On the cruise we have just enjoyed we sat at the same table every night the four of us and another couple, the less said about them the better, let me just say a parlimentary under secretary and a vicar in training on their honeymoon !!!!!!!!! yawn ... but more importantly.. we were 4, they were 2 and it was a table for 8. So every night dinner was set for another 2 at our table. Why should I be surprised, of course you are always with us , death is no match for love.
WORD UP HOMEY ! ... james is just perfect isnt he ... arr,mum brought the little chap to come visit this weekend, and as soon as he burst in the flat , he pointed above the t.v. at a picture of you and said, "jonny", and he knows its your flat im keeping warm.
only yesterday i was reminded of something we used to say, and only today ive forgot !! damn.. but, no doubt it will return next time i hear it again. it was stupid and ridiculous, obviously... a little like how we used to sing GIANT BEE out of the window ... always the extroverts, i cant imagine what it would of been like if we were a quiet family, geeks , and never used to joke , speak out or have fun and be introverts, how sad would that of been !! im glad we can say that we played jackass in the garage at home, hitting each other on the back of our heads with paint brushes, and figuring out how to get it rices padlocked booze cupboard in the garage without him noticing. good times. memories are flooding back, the same night we decided it would be highly amusing to name all the fruit in the basket and all the eggs and everything else edible. and it was at te time.
one love bredrin x
Kasabian - Fire, was written for you as you got ready to go out ... they obviouly just made it a little late , and mum was right, 1973 was written about us clubbing. the best days . one love x
Another christmas without hearing you laugh yet you were with us throughout. Sam met friends of yours from way back, they shared beer and yarns and you were in there constantly. His presence reminded people, who may have briefly forgotten you, it was good and as you always did it brought pleasure fun and laughter. We watched the films, cooked and shared wonderful food, drank too much, really laughed, sledged down hills and played games together, all the things you loved most. Now we realise how precious those moments in life are our pleasure is some how sharper. Important relationships mean more and trivia less. We have learnt so much. You gave us that. A true christmas gift. Thankyou x
When we are all together like we were on Saturday the physical space you left seems so unreasonably huge. What is cool though is the fact that its always the wackiest and most outrageous humour that brings you flooding back x
I cant believe it has been 5 years. You have left such a void. No one will ever be big enough to fill it and of course thats how it should be. You would be so impressed with how your brothers are doing though and you and Sam would still be a pair of Goids when you got together. We all seem pretty close these days though and I reckon thats because we all appreciate what we have and no longer take anything for granted. Young James is pretty incredible he has made such a big difference to all our lives. I know you would be so very happy for Sarah x This time of year is always pretty hard was thinking about all your masses of mates in Grimsby the other day, it was crazy going to town or anywhere with you it was like everyone and I mean everyone knew you. I remember a while after your funeral Daz said he thought maybe we would have done something this end for you as they all kind of thought of you as coming from here. I was in no place then to think about it but sometimes now I think maybe we should still have some sort of memorial and then I think about all the mates of yours, all over chatting about you and havin a pint for you and I think thats just the way it should be. For 25 years you made a huge impression and for some of us that will last our life times. Stay close my boy x ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Gosport Massive gathering today in your memory which is as strong as always, I know you will be with us,
Thinking of you today, love Aunty Lin
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You are so very much in my thoughts right now. 17th of September was the most special day of my life. You certainly brought joy, often it was tinged with heartache, but that just served to make the joy more intense. A bitter sweet symphony. Not being able to buy the card is always going to be difficult but at least we made the 25 that could be sent count. Stay close my boy x ________________________________________________________________________________________________________
we are all as close to you for this weekend as we could be, thoughts and smiles and tears as another birthday passes, xx __________________________________________________________________________________________________
Happy Birthday Jonny Boy x x x Always a bonus planning your birthday to fall at the weekend !! A few beers bound to be raised in your honour today.
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Been really good having Sam here for last couple of weeks , as he gets older he reminds me of you so much, he is a regular goid..........can't help laughing even when I really want to give him a dead arm ! I have found myself calling him Jon on so many occasions which seems crazy but is really comforting as well. I feel you all about us so often and it feels right somehow. Will always miss you and there will always be a void that nothing will ever be big enough or special enough to fill but were getting it together. Stay close boy x
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Well here it is that time of year again, your favourite time. You made us all laugh and never allowed the magic to dwindle. At 25 years old you still woke a 6 am and dragged us all up to enjoy the special family day to the max. And guess what, thank god you did cause those are now all such special memories. Stay close this Christmas my beautiful boy . _______________________________________________________________________________
Time goes by so quickly. Cant believe how long it is since I gave you a hug. You continue to influence all our thoughts and plans though and consequently we feel you with us which is just as it should be. Thank you for it all my boy .
Hey up Jon...hope you are still rocking out!
Recently been playing in a band with Darren Cutter, and we both have similar memories of the times we had with you at school.
Its been great to talk about the good times, but it would of course be much better if you were here to rock out with us and generally make everything fun.
I'm getting on now, as we all are. 31, and still wanting to play music all the time.
Cheers for all the good times.
Gareth Walkner - 31
still in my thoughts every single day, im older than you was now .. how strange .. i still feel the youngest, always will feel you watching and looking over me as your little bro .. best big brother ever ... love you xxx
the older i get, the more i realise its okay to show emotions. if ure blessed to be able to acknowledge them, and understand their purpose, then you should entertain them surely. its what makes us- us, and i thankyou, as these days, i read alot of poetry, and it now has more depth and substance, i feel it more, i broke deep in the feeling chambers a few years ago i think... or maybe its when i came back down to planet earth and i felt alive all of a sudden.. anyway.. now my mind and heart have been to hell and back, like a crazy sack of feelings in circus winds... ' american beauty ' ... now i feel more alive, i absorb more. thanks for everything .. i never know how to get my words down on here, the feelings and the words just dont marry up and i sound like a 5 year old stuttering in an argument with stolen cookies in his hand .. but this is for you .. sent out there .. even tho i know ure still here .. somehow, i know we are still so alike, so you are with me forever.. the number one most amazing feeling and blessing ever.. i really can feel you with me and feel like i can pass you on to people, if on that night you did decide to take residence within me ( man that sounds wrong ) then please dont hesitate to take us for a beer here and there and we can look at the sun over the harbour together and spy out jonathan livingston swooping overheard , together .. big up big man .. thanks for being in my thoughts everyday, ali loves the stories of you and us and stuff, she'd of found you hilarious, a say to her, well imagine me but more mad .. thats jon .. i look out the flat and i think you seem abit loney down there, i go and kick the moss off and make a funny cheer for you .. i wont ever let the moss grow over .. time wont move on and replace things.. ure here forever.. in full effect .. semi automatic blap blap blap one love ... one word .... ACORN ... ive never ever told anyone, and guess what i never will, but that one single word ... when ever i hear it just cracks me up ... the ability to laugh at the world in the face of adversity, and carry on smiling and joking is the best .. i learnt it from you .. not to take yourself or life to seriously, and bloody have a good laugh .. i have a few regrets that pop up, but you dont change things do you as you dont contemplate what ifs .. so regrets are worthless .. anyway im doing the waffle thing .. love you mate.. still rocking some old boxer shorts of ures i think .. not on still .. theyve been washed once im sure !!! love you xxx and i still remember the time on gosport pier .. and walking back from pompey and you telling me you loved your little bro .. and i cant remember if i said it back, but i didnt need to did i ?? .. you knew i think .. love you mate .. and thanks for caking the tuna noodle casserole in brown sauce everytime just after i made it .. that was mums recipe too .. guess it wasnt up to the standard tho! .. things like that, that seemed so miniscule then, are so prominent now and strike something within .. i mean .. if i get a flashback of you with ure legs behind ure head, lighting ure own farts, then laughing like muttley with that cheeky face, no top on, denim levi jeans .. haha .. then it really does make me so happy .. as hazel put a long time back .. you are now with us more than ever in a way .. i remember stuff and its just the best .. i got feeling bout us and our time together more powerful than anything really but on the otherhand its almost clouded and i struggle to wire it all up and make sense of it .. i know you can get hypnotherapy and its brings flooding old memories , but im scared to do that, not because itll make me cry, not because ill remember the day , or us arguing , or anything dark at all ... nope .. im scared because ill be sat with the hypnotherapist, and ill get an image of you lighting your farts on the sofa with 'high' eyes .. and ill burst into laughter and she'll think its a joke .. i mean .. its bound to be a she, i know already .. maybe ill do it .. even if i recall one funny moment id forgot itll bring you back .. and also thanks for visiting in my dreams last week .. i cant remember it much but you was in it and we spoke, and i wasnt sure you knew you was alive or not .. but it was great and you was happy .. i remember the message you sent me to watch over someone for you aswell .. that was profound, and i remember you sat in the field with your knees up holding round them and holding ure hands together surrounded by great tall trees.. wheverever that was, it was nice, and you looked peaceful and happy and had a good look in ure eyes .. so i know ure safe and happy .. and something, however the sands fall , and the last grain drops, however it all ends i know something will reunite .. i dont think its hope or wishful thinking i just feel theres something waiting ... unless its just that last fart .. you trying to squeeze out before the lighter burns ure arse .. thats probably more like it .. its crazy .. you was such a joker, but were like a prophet or a really compelling life force to be around .. the way yu lit up the room .. with ure ass gass .. but really, at 25 i always thought of you as a man .. you wasnt but you had the wisdom of an old codger im sure .. you had something in ure heart, apart from a pacemaker haha .. you were just amazing ... you know .. the way you could make shoe socks out of 5 pairs of socks, pull them off together and they would sit there still in shoe shape ... oh before i go ... i hope you like midget mum ... it was amazing to see her in full blown natural hysterics at being made a midget, in ure home, ure flat, room , bed .. it always brightens up the gaff having jon bealey people here .. wish you was here so we could midget you .. love ya dude .. xxx always in my thoughts keep me smiling on my bike rides to work ure doing good :) xxxx ________________________________________
Another candle for the birthday boy. Celebrated in appropriate style for you, think a few may be downed in your honour ....... x x x ........Shine on you crazy diamond x
Birthday memories of you Ted xxxxx
happy birthday johnny boy from your lil cuz rich
GIANT BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE...... MATTY DOUBLE TAKE DAVIE. PANIC BUTTON. ACORN. DOMINOS ON DECK BOX. FLYING CUPS. HUGS. WALKS AND PROTECTION. LOVE LAUGHS. LONG LEGS OVER BEDS. GREEN TOOTH. JACKASS WITH POOL BALLS. NAME THE EGGS. LOYD THE ZOID. BUT EE IZ
Where is the time going boy , been far too long , your little bro staying true though and no moss growing... but I reckon those boxer shorts could do with darning ,stay close X
Quite possible that when I click save the whole site will go to rats!! Smiling at your memory today, you loved your birthdays, indeed any celebration you would be in your element, the ultimate clown ! We still have you strong in our thoughts and our hearts as always
Haze xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
OK you have made your point , we are all gonna miss ya forever ........especially on this your special day. Just been checking out , the wrong bananas, on the rathergood.com site , ........how cant we laugh? you loved it ,you crazy boy ........x
Your favourite time of year, knowing you are with us makes it all ok somehow. I see you so often in the faces of the people I love and I hear your hearty laughter. Stay close x
Another birthday candle for you . My beautiful boy x stay close x
